Josh and I have reached a new milestone in our relationship. It's not about having a 15 month old little girl or having just celebrated our 7th anniversary. No, this milestone has to do with food. We have finally, after almost 10 years together, found a sandwich place that we both like.
I love sandwiches. Josh does not - well he does sometimes. He does not like Subway or "girly" sandwiches. last week I convinced him to go to Which Wich and HE LIKED IT! This is awesome and I am so excited.
I realized its been almost a month since I posted. Yikes! Honestly, I am totally overwhelmed with this new, busy job, spending as much time as I can with Addie and Josh, doing all of the stuff that needs to be done at home and sleeping occasionally.
The last day or two I have even been frustrated because I felt like I wasn't enjoying Christmas as much this year because I was too busy. I hate that. I LOVE this time of year so much! I love shopping for presents, wrapping presents, baking holiday treats, decorating and all the other things. Except this year I really haven't but that is just dumb. It's dumb for several reasons. 1. Christmas shouldn't be about presents. I like presents - giving and getting. But, it shouldn't be about one up-ing people with the best gift or buying the newest and best of everything. I don't really need anything this year. Any gifts I get are extras, luxury things that I am sure I will love but definitely don't want people to stress about. I have tried to make an effort this year to focus on what Christmas should reallly be about - God, Jesus, family, love, forgiveness and all those other things. But, admittedly it hasn't worked as much as I would like since I was still so stressed out.
Today I learned several things. First, on Good Morning America this morning there was a story about a man who wrote a thank you note every day for a year and has now written a book about it that comes out next week. I really like this guy's general idea but I am not sure how I feel about the reason behind it. At one point in his interview he said that he has now written 6oo and something thank you notes and good things keep happening to him so he will keep doing it. I love the project of expressing thankfulness for the big things and even the little things like thanking the guy who makes your coffee at Starbucks. But, do it to give joy, not because good things are happening to you. Now, this may not be the guy's real motive, all I heard was a 2 minutes interview but it made me start thinking.
Then, later today I spent several hours organizing and distributing gifts for the kids in foster care that I work with. That is always one of my favorite parts of the year. People are so generous and these kids truly love it.
So, I am going to work harder to be less stressed and more thankful. I want to enjoy this holiday that I get to spend with my family.
I really wanted to start blogging regularly again, but then I got this new job and life has been crazy!
Basically the job is exactly the same job that I was doing, just at a different agency. I am about to start my third week and am beginning to feel more comfortable. The first week was pretty rough because the schedule seemed to be a lot more demanding in the evenings than I was prepared for. Then, the second week kind of stunk because I started it out by having Strep and an Ear Infection and ended in with several families having minor and not so minor crisis. I am only working two days this week before taking off Wednesday to go to Texas for Thanksgiving so hopefully it will get better, not worse.
I have missed seeing Addie during the days but it is fun that she gets so excited to see me when I finally get home each night. I am definitely ready to get to know the families that I am working with and have the schedule settle down some so I can have a more normal routine at home too.
In other news: Addison is now saying "bye bye" and "night night". She can moo like a cow and says "ahh ahh" when you ask her what her monkey says. She points to eyes, and noses and mouths and if you ask where her tongue is she sticks it in and out like a lizard! Her hair is long enough for a little pony tail so we bought the little tiny clear rubber bands yesterday and I am excited to use them. She also likes to brush her hair. One of my favorite things that she is doing now is that she will come up and give me hugs, pats or "kisses". She also loves to say hi to everyone! She is just such a sweet little girl.
Enough of my gushing for now...I need to get some sleep so I can get up with her in the morning. My mom just mailed me to cds with like 1500 pictures so the next post will have pictures - I promise.
Is anyone even still reading this????
This post has a few purposes. 1) I have been thinking of random things like this lately. 2) I need to get back in the habit of posting things regularly. 3) I am trying to stay awake until Josh gets home.
5 Things I Love About November:
1. It's the month my birthday is in!
2. Pumpkin bread, turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce and other yummy foods.
3. The Thanksgiving Day Parade
4. College football, except that this year my Longhorns stink.
5. It's almost Christmas!
5 Projects On My To-do List:
1. Family Christmas stockings - Josh and I have ones I made when we got married but it's time for ones that we will have from now on with kids. I'm excited about them.
2. A tree skirt.
3. A fun easy little dress for Addie.
4. A few Christmas presents that I haven't finished yet.
5. Finishing a cool wooden star I found in a trash can broken in half- all I need to do is nail it back together.
5 People I Have Been Missing Lately:
1. Jackie Beth - She's in Brazil so we can't really actually talk as much. Bummer.
2. Kasey. I love that she "gets me" in a lot of ways and I wish we lived closer.
3. My siblings
4. Friends from my huddle in high school at Westover - lots of things have been bringing them to mind lately.
5. Some of the youth group kids who are now freshman in college. They are a special group and we are about to go on the first retreat (big activity) since they have left.
5 Things I Have Been Praying For:
1. A job that is a good fit for me, my skills and will allow me to still be available for Addie.
2. Healing and patience with headaches
3. Josh
4. Thankfulness for Addison as she is growing so fast.
5. Discerment and for God to guide Josh and I as we try to see what's next.
5 Things I Am Loving About Addison Right Now:
1. Her sense of humor - she teases us, tickles Josh, etc.
2. She loves to sit and read her books.
3. Her beautiful long hair that continues to curl at the bottoms.
4. She is so adventerous (I think she gets that from me!)
5. She reaches out to hug us and will give kisses when we ask (even if her mouth is open). Makes my heart melt!
and finally:
5 Totally Random Thoughts Before Bed:
1. Last week I went 5 days without washing my hair.
2. I am so glad elections are over so my mail box and voicemail are not clogged with political stuff.
3. I love to bake but do the majority of it in the fall.
4. My hair is longer than it has been since I was in high school, maybe college.
5. I think my fingers are shrinking because lately my rings are slidding all over the place.
Ok, here goes nothing....
My headaches have been getting worse. I don't remember them being this bad, this consistently in years. So that's been hard. My neurologist can't see me until the end of November - we have been emailing and she has increased my medication but it doesn't seem to be helping much so far. It's been 13 years that I've had these stupid headaches and emotionally I'm doing ok with that right now, I am just frustrated with the limitations that they are placing on me.
I am still looking for a job. There aren't a ton of options right now and the things that are out there are either a really long commute or the job isn't a good fit. I just got a call for an interview on Thursday that I'm excited about though. I have enjoyed being home with Addie more and I think it will be hard to go back to work but I don't have much of a choice. I also miss work, I miss the challenge and using my skills. I am proud of myself for not stressing out about the lack of income more than I have. That's big for me.
Along with all my job search stuff, Josh and I have been hearing voices - not in a schizophrenic kind of way, but in a "God what are you saying" kind of way. We've thought that God was distinctly calling us in one direction and then we've had those doors slammed closed. We had a hard time adjusting to that and are trying so hard to discern what God is teaching us and guiding us to now. Since hearing a "no" or "not now" we have seen other doors open. I don't know if Josh and I have experienced trying to desperately hear God's voice and find the path He is leading us towards in quite this way before. It has brought us closer, taught us things and helped us re-evaluate our goals etc.
I believe that no matter what happens God is in control. I am excited to see what will happen from here and what doors will open. I am trying to spend more time in prayer lately to listen as well as talk. It's amazing how refreshing that is!
Now for the obligatory updates on my sweet daughter - she is talking more and more and I love it! She still seems so tiny and petite to me compared to other kids and is just now at 20 lbs. Yesterday she actually got her first black eye and fat lip from two separate falls within about an hour of each other. Thankfully, she's a tough girl! I am in awe daily of how much I love her and how much she is growing. Her personality is coming out more and more - she loves to joke around and tickle us, she loves to snuggle, she is so easy going most of the time.
So that's our life lately. Lots of uncertainty, lots of ups and downs but Josh frequently reminds me that we are on the same team and sticking together. I really do have the greatest husband ever, by the way.
Enjoy the pictures!
New stuff on the Craft blog...
Check if out if you get a chance. I would appreciate it. http://shiloh-jones.blogspot.com/
I know, I know I haven't posted in forever. There has been a lot going on that I have not really been able to talk about. So, now I can and will post at least a little. Sorry for the tease.....
I can't believe I am actually writing about my baby's first birthday party. Wow - where has the year gone. The night before her actually birthday I was laying in bed think " a year ago I was in labor and trying to wait just a little longer before heading to the hospital". Not only has Addison grown so much in this past year, I have too. She went from being not quite 7 lbs to being not quite 20 lbs. She went from just laying in our arms, crying and eating to trying so hard to walk, moving all over the place and making the sweetest noises and words. I went from feeling as huge as a house to feeling in shape and strong again. I went from being unsure of myself and having no idea what to do with a baby to feelings at least a little confident that I am a good mom and can care for her. I went from expecting to love her to loving her more than I thought I would. Wow - what a year.
In case you were panicking - don't. We are all alive and fine. I apologize for not posting but life has been crazy as of late. My brain has been even more crazy - I think this is worse than any pregnancy brain I ever experienced. I am totally scattered and forgetful which is not good considering our schedules have been full.
Anyway, we had a great trip to Texas to visit family. I am looking for a job and getting to hang out with Addie more in the meantime.
We also have Addison's birthday party this weekend! WooHoo!
I will do my best to post more later. Thanks for hanging in there if you actually are....
I have decided that lately songs have describing my feelings more of how I am feeling that I am able to. Tomorrow is my last day at Adoption Alliance. Josh will pick me up from work and we will leave from here to drive to Texas. I'm really doing ok for the most part. Sad to say goodbye to awesome, selfless foster families and precious, hilarious children who have overcome more than I can imagine. I am also sad to say goodbye to my great foster care team, especially Jennifer and Courtney - I will laugh quite a bit less now, but I am determined to stay in touch with them.
Anyway, here of some of the songs that can read my mind lately....
Everything by Telecast:
"When the world comes crashing down around my feet
And I can't see ten feet in front of me
Jesus, I know that you are strong when I am weak
So please help me, allow you to be
My everything
No matter what this day will bring
I will lift my hands and sing
Oh be my everything
I'll make my life an offering
In you alone, I believe
Oh be my everything,
My everything "
Show Me What I'm Looking For by Carolina Liar:
"Save me, I'm lost
Oh Lord I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
Oh Lord"
Pork and Beans by Weezer:
"I'm gonna do the things that I wanna do, I ain't got a thing to prove to you.
I'll eat my candy with the pork and beans,
excuse my manners if I make a scene.
I ain't gonna wear the clothes that you like.
I'm fine and dandy with me inside.
One look in the mirror and I'm tickled pink,
I don't give a hoot about what you think"
Chicken Fried: Zac Brown Band
"And its funny how it`s the little things in life that mean the most
Not where you live, what you drive or the price tag on your clothes
There`s no dollar sign on a piece of mind; this I`ve come to know
So if you agree have a drink with me
Raise your glasses for a toast
To a little bit of chicken fried
Cold beer on a Friday night
A pair of jeans that fit just right
And the radio up
Well I`ve seen the sunrise
See the love in my woman`s eyes
Feel the touch of a precious child
And know a mother`s love "
Everything by Lifehouse:
"Find me here, and speak to me.
I want to feel you, I need to hear you.
You are the light that's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.
You are the strength that keeps me walking
You are the hope that keeps me trusting
You are the light to my soul
You are my purpose. My everything."
There's more but that's enough for now.
Addie's birthday is in less than a month and I still can't believe she is almost a year! Josh is done with the summer and except for a few conferences he is home for awhile. I am applying for jobs and will get to file for unemployment on Wednesday.
That's about all that is going on.
I really don't know where to start. My next planned blog entry was going to be about Josh's Honduras trip. Then Monday happened. I walked into work ready for the day and about an hour into it my supervisor asked to talk with me. I went to her office and our weird, annoying Executive Director was there too. She politely told me that because the agency was so in the red that my position was being cut and that I had a two week notice which was really a one week notice since I was going on vacation next week. I held it together pretty good until the end when I thought about saying goodbye to my families and kids that I work with.
I had a doctor's appointment scheduled and they told me to go to that and then take the day off. Instead, after my appointment I came back and met Courtney and Jennifer (my foster care team) for lunch. Jennifer's hours got cut from 40 to 24 also. Courtney is the case aide/admin person. We were all confused as to my it was my position since (not to toot my own horn) I'm not the newest person, I have a full case load, and I have a skill set and resources that no one else on the team or even in the agency does. It doesn't make sense that it would be my position when there is another person on our team who doesn't have a nearly full case load and doesn't do all the extra stuff I do like teaching training classes etc. When we asked those questions we were given shady answers so it seems like something else is going on which makes it even worse that they aren't just being upfront. Over and over again my supervisor who I really like and our Ex. Director praised my job performance and what I have done for the department and said it wasn't a factor in the decision but when I asked what was they wouldn't tell me.They would just say it involved other people and they could divulge that information.
I keep telling myself there is no point is dwelling on that stuff because it won't change anyone's mind. Yesterday I had to tell 3 of my families goodbye at meeting I already had scheduled. One foster mom that I have had since I first started at Adoption Alliance (she is an older retired woman who takes tough kids) started crying. To me, this isn't just a job. I care so much about this families and the kids they take in. I want the best for them, I will wonder what happened, I want to make sure that someone is fighting for them. I am worried about the financial implications of no job but I'm really upset about the emotional impact right now. I could have done this job forever.
I have officially finished my 7th summer as a youth ministry widow. In fact, my sweet husband gave me a card and a gift certificate for a day of rock climbing in honor of that.
Really, I was thinking that this summer in particular was going to be the hardest one yet but it wasn't at all. If I do say so myself, I did well with Addie by self and I had lots of help from Connie and my mom. The biggest challenge this summer was that instead of Josh being gone a week, home a week, gone a week etc. he was gone for two weeks, home a week, gone another week and half. Two weeks was the longest time he has been away in one chunk, especially since Addison has been a part of our family.
Josh had some awesome experiences this summer and I wish I could have been a part of them - I guess in a way I was. This year's Kadesh theme was HOPE. My favorite. This was the theme the first year that I was a camper and the first year that I was a counselor. It has a huge part in why we picked Addison's middle name. It has played a huge part in my life in general. When I was a camper I left the day after Kadesh to go to Africa for the first time and on the way home from Africa 3 weeks later got very (deathly) ill. I remember vividly laying in my hospital bed in Chicago where the plane had to do an emergency landing and thinking that if I died it would be ok because I had no doubts that I would go to heaven. What I had learned about Hope was so real to me. That experience changed much of my faith and outlook of life.
Hope again played a huge role in my life when Josh and I struggled with miscarriages. I have been waiting for the Kadesh theme to come back around and was upset that I couldn't make it this year but in a way it's probably better. Josh was able to talk, on Addison's 9 month birthday, about my story of Hope and how it's important to me and how it has played a part in how we named her.
There was some youth group drama at Kadesh over kids bringing cell phones and being mad and Josh for taking them up so they could focus on camp - oh the life of a youth minister.....
After Kadesh, Josh went directly to OC for Cornerstone with a few high school counselors and some adults from Denver drove the MS campers there. It was a good week for him to be with friends but hard to be away for so long.
It was great when he finally came home - Addie was so much bigger and moving around so much more! She had started actually crawling quickly and getting into things right as he left so I had to begin to adjust to the more mobile baby by myself. He was amazed at how much difference two weeks made.
So, that's the first part of the summer - the other big thing was the mission trip to Honduras which I will have to write about later since I should be working right now.
Even though it's challenging at times, I am so very blessed to be the wife of a youth minister. I love to see his passion for teens, even when he is frustrated with them. I love that I grow to love these kids and that I get to be a part of their lives. I am excited to see Addison continue to grow up around the youth group and these kids that love her so much. I am excited to teach her that even when her dad leaves a lot in the summers its because he is spreading God's love to others and we should be proud of him and pray for him. I want her to develop of love of ministry just like Josh.
I have tried to sit down and blog almost every day recently and my brain has been on total overload. Last week I had a really bad week at work. I mean, bad! It was pretty emotional. I worked 17 hours on Wednesday and 12 hours on Thursday. There was a crisis in one of my foster homes that was really stable - one of the boys did something he shouldn't have and the parents no longer felt safe having him in the home and so he and his younger brother had to leave. In the process of all this we had search and rescue and about 50 volunteers out searching the hill country and land where the foster parents live. I can't really go into details but I was an emotional wreck for a few days. To top it off, I couldn't sleep because I couldn't turn my brain off.
I love my job and I love the work that I do. Overall it is rewarding and I work with some fantastic foster families. I love being able to take kids that other people may have written off and helping them succeed or at least do more than they have previously. Sometimes its not about amazing, news worthy success stories, it's just about growth and changes they make. Anyway....as much as I enjoy my job I have been really burnt out the last few weeks. It could be that it's a combination of work, not really taking care of myself and Josh being gone among other things. Things have also been stressful at the agency because of finances and money. We don't have as many kids in placement as we need to in order to meet our budget and the adoption departments are short as well. I have an AWESOME team that I work with - I love these ladies and they are great friends as well as co-workers. So, I'm hopefully that all of this work chaos will straighten itself out soon.
It has caused me to question a little bit about if I am doing the right thing being involved in a career that is so emotional draining and time consuming. But I honestly can't imagine doing anything else. I could see myself making money with crafts and sewing if I do take some time off work later, but I still want to be involved with social work. It's what I do and a big part of who I am.
I feel like I'm rambling so enough about work.
My mom has been here taking care of Addie for 2 weeks and everyone involved has loved it! Grammy and Grampy have loved this time Addison and I know it's been special for them. I am loving how attached Addie is to Mom and Larry. She cries when they leave and she has so much fun with them! She loves to play with their dog Sandy and gets jealous when Sandy is in Grampy's lap and she isn't (Sandy gets jealous of Addie too). It really has been an awesome few weeks. Grammy and Grampy will leave this week but will stay in Colorado until her birthday. They will be in several different mountain campgrounds enjoying Colorado.
I have had a lot of family excitement lately. The last part of June Addie and I flew to NM to see my Mom and stepdad. The greatest part about this was that my brother Sean and his wife Ashley flew in also. We all came into El Paso and then drove up to camp in Cloudcroft NM for several days. It was wonderful! I haven't seen Sean and Ashley in 3 years and even then it was for 48 hours or less at my Mamma's funeral. The time before that was at their wedding when I met Ashley.
Sean is currently is Harding grad school getting a master's degree in church history. He is so smart and his dream is to teach at the college level. I have no doubts that he will achieve this. When he is finished with his thesis he is planning to pursue a doctoral degree as well. Ashley is a middle school art teacher from the St. Louis area. I love her art work - she is so talented!
This time together was very, very special for me. Sean and I were really close before I left for college and even while I was in college but we slowly lost touch. Part of that I think is due to some things that happened in our family and part of that is lack of communication - they don't have a phone other than for emergencies so we communicate by sporadic emails. I really hadn't even been able to get to know Ashley and I desperately wanted to. At first I was planning for Addison and I to fly to Memphis to see them so they could meet their niece. Instead we decided to all go meet at Mom's house.
Ashley LOVED Addison and Grammy and Grampy did a great job of sharing their baby time. I really enjoyed getting to know Ashley too - we have a lot more in common than I thought. She is so good for my brother and such a blessing to our family. One of the highlights of the trip was when Sean, Mom, Ashley and I played Pictionary. Sean and Mom have long had the reputation of being unbeatable. Ashley and I didn't win but we came really, really close. Then Sean and I teamed up and slaughtered Mom and Ashley - we laughed so hard my stomach hurt!
I hope that my children will grow up having a close relationship with their aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. I didn't always have that and I pray that my kids do. I want to always make an effort to make sure that our families stay connected and I am so thankful for the time we got to spend together!
I posted a few new baby things on the other blog
lhttp://shiloh-jones.blogspot.com/2010/07/baby-stuff.html
Just FYI
I totally plan on updating the blog with things that have been going lately but I have been swamped - not neccesarily with baby stuff but with work - work has been crazy. I actually have a lot to update you on - I have several trips to see family - one of those trips was the first time I had seen my brother Sean in 3 years!
Life has also been interesting with Josh being gone for awhile off and on with his youth group stuff. I'm glad that summer is almost over.
So, I will try really hard to get to that tomorrow!
If you know me well you know that I have a creative spirit. I love to make things. I am always looking for new ideas, inspiration etc. Another part of me is that I am always trying to save money, get deal, use a coupon, make money etc. So, after ignoring the impulse for far to long I have decided to try and merge these two instincts. The result is
I apologize to my husband for this being so late. But, in all honesty, he has been out of town for two weeks so he probably didn't notice.
I could easily write a long mushy blog about this being Josh's first Father's Day and how special that is to us for a lot of reasons. In the interest of time (I'm at work) and for those of you who really don't want to read the long mushy blog, I will do a top ten list of reasons why Josh is a great dad.
#10. He knows how to do girl's hair already.
