Job

I really don't know where to start. My next planned blog entry was going to be about Josh's Honduras trip. Then Monday happened. I walked into work ready for the day and about an hour into it my supervisor asked to talk with me. I went to her office and our weird, annoying Executive Director was there too. She politely told me that because the agency was so in the red that my position was being cut and that I had a two week notice which was really a one week notice since I was going on vacation next week. I held it together pretty good until the end when I thought about saying goodbye to my families and kids that I work with.

I had a doctor's appointment scheduled and they told me to go to that and then take the day off. Instead, after my appointment I came back and met Courtney and Jennifer (my foster care team) for lunch. Jennifer's hours got cut from 40 to 24 also. Courtney is the case aide/admin person. We were all confused as to my it was my position since (not to toot  my own horn) I'm not the newest person, I have a full case load, and I have a skill set and resources that no one else on the team or even in the agency does. It doesn't make sense that it would be my position when there is another person on our team who doesn't have a nearly full case load and doesn't do all the extra stuff I do like teaching training classes etc. When we asked those questions we were given shady answers so it seems like something else is going on which makes it even worse that they aren't just being upfront. Over and over again my supervisor who I really like and our Ex. Director praised my job performance and what I have done for the department and said it wasn't a factor in the decision but when I asked what was they wouldn't tell me.They would just say it involved other people and they could divulge that information.

I keep telling myself there is no point is dwelling on that stuff because it won't change anyone's mind. Yesterday I had to tell 3 of my families goodbye at meeting I already had scheduled. One foster mom that I have had since I first started at Adoption Alliance (she is an older retired woman who takes tough kids) started crying. To me, this isn't just a job. I care so much about this families and the kids they take in. I want the best for them, I will wonder what happened, I want to make sure that someone is fighting for them. I am worried about the financial implications of no job but I'm really upset about the emotional impact right now. I could have done this job forever.

I love my job. It's a huge part of my identity. I am already looking for something else because I enjoy it so much. I'm good at it. I'm good at walking along side kids and families, hearing their struggles, helping the kids find permenancy, and working to help them grow and change. 

This is Leslie - a sweet girl I worked with who was adopted by her foster family!

This is Leslie and her brother Jordan at Jordan's Tae Kwan Do Belt Ceremony. I love these kids!


I am trying so hard to believe that God has a bigger plan for all this. I just want to see it. I want to see the whole picture. I don't want to be angry or depressed. I want to be hopeful. I want to reflect God in this.