If I had time to blog...

*I would write about how even a rash on my little girl and a small fever make me so sad that I can't make her feel better.

*I would write about how now that Halloween is over I am ready for Christmas! I love Christmas time. I love buying present for people, wrapping presents, ornaments etc.

*I would write about how I still struggle to take a shower regularly since Addie has been born. I will have to change that when I start working again.

*I would write about being excited for the youth group retreat this weekend but also a little worried about how Addie will do.

*I would write about how frustrating it is that my maternity clothes are to big but most of my regular pants are still to small.

*I would write about my mixed feelings about going back to work in a few weeks.

*I would write about going to visit my friend Melanie in Wyoming a few weeks ago.

*I would write about how I will never again take sleep for granted.

If only I had time....

(Hopefully some of these may actually get written over the next few weeks. We'll see)

Snow Storm and IHOP Adventure

Tuesday night it started snowing and didn't stop for about 48 hours. We ended up with almost 2 feet of snow! This is apparently the biggest October snow storm in about ten years. Josh had to go to work just for an hour or so on Wednesday. We were supposed to have the fall festival that night at church but he decided to reschedule for Saturday. Once he got home we were in the house, ready to bundle up and wait out the storm. Addie and I made peanut butter cookies for her dad and I made muffins. I love baking, especially when it's cold out. We had homemade french dip sandwiches for dinner and enjoyed the time hanging out together.

Yesterday we decided to venture out to run a few short errands. Addie was bundled up warm so we decided to take a picture of her in the snow - she slept through the whole thing.

Now on to todays adventure. I have written before about how Josh and I have weekly breakfast dates. We are trying to keep this tradition up even with the new addition to the family. So, this morning after we were up and Addie ate breakfast we got ready to go. I figured that we had about 2 hours to eat and get home before she would need to eat again. I was wrong. This happened to be a morning when she decided she was going to be hungry every 2 hours instead of the usual three. And, since I am such a prepared mother, I forgot the extra bottle at home. So, we are at IHOP and I have just ordered pumpkin pancakes that I am super excited about eating and Ms. Addison wakes us and decides to cry. After about 15 minutes of off and on crying I decided I have to try to nurse her. This is really the first time that I have had to do this in a public place other than in my car on the way home from Wyoming.

Luckily I have a blanket and we are sitting in a corner booth. The hardest part of this for me is not being able to see her. That can lead to problems that frustrate us both including making a huge mess. It was relatively successful but I stressed out more than I would like to admit. I guess this is good practice since in two weeks I will be traveling with her by mself to fly to Oregon to see my mom. I'm not super modest and don't have a problem nursing in public as long as I am somewhat covered but I still don't have the coordination down.

Ok, well, Addie is awake and hungry again so I will just leave you with a few pictures.

Happy 1 Month Birthday Addie!

I can't believe that you are already a month old Addison Hope! Sometimes it seems like she has been here a lot longer and sometimes it seems like it has flown by. She is awake more, likes looking around, and starting to sleep better at night. I love any time I get to snuggle her and I tell her regularly that I could kiss her all day long. Josh and I are no longer "Josh and Shiloh". We are now also "Mommy and Daddy" and even though everything has changed - I couldn't be happier. It has been an exhausting, emotional, confusing, and absolutely wonderful month. I'm so excited about all the months to come!

Pop and Memaw

My dad and stepmom drove in from Lubbock this weekend to meet Addison. They have been so excited about her arrival and were thrilled to finally hold her. One of things they have done that I thought was special was that while I was pregnant they started writing letters to her and I put them all in a binder for her.

Addie is sleeping a little better now which makes me happier. Josh and I have been trying to get into our own routine and schedule. I get us and feed her at night and then Josh takes her downstairs about 6am so I can get a few uninterrupted hours of sleep. I love that time - not just because I am resting but also because Josh is getting some special one on one time with Addie. He calls it Addie/Daddy time. He posted about it this morning on his blog, too. http://theblogofjoshjones.blogspot.com/

Here's a few pictures from our weekend:

How a baby changes things...

Instead of thinking about date nights, work, how many times I can go to yoga each week, craft time, actually taking a shower, shopping, playing on the computer, having a semi clean house etc these are the things that consme my day:
-poop
-laundry
-the numerous reasons babies cry
-spit up
-baby talk
-feeling like a cow
-wanting to sleep so bad it hurts
-sore boobs (sorry for the TMI)

But I wouldn't give it up because I also get all of these things:
-cuddles
-kissing my baby all over
-seeing Josh give her google eyes that say he is totally in love
-bath time
-sweet faces and funny faces
-going on walks with Josh and Addie

Life is forever changed.

3 Weeks and Counting

Addison was three weeks old on Wednesday! I can't believe it's been that long. We went to the doctor for a follow up appointment on Thursday. She is now 7 lbs 6 oz - so well past her birth weight and gaining faster than the doctors guessed. They said that will slow down but for now it's great.

She also slept in her cradle on her own for two night in a row. Last night was a little rougher but I didn't expect that we wouldn't still have some trouble. She is staying awake more and I'm excited for her to start being more alert and interactive.

Josh has been able to have a somewhat flexible schedule this week so he is home a little more. On Wednesday after we woke up and got ready I took Addie shopping to run some errands and then we went for a long walk in a park. I was pleasantly surprised and how well the day went. It was my first time out with Addie by myself. She did so good and it made me excited to have lots more mother/daughter days as she grows up.

That's about all that' going on here. Josh and I weren't able to make it to Homecoming this year for several reasons. I would reall have liked to go since it was my 5th year reunion - we will just have to make it a priority next year. I'm also pretty sure that next year we won't have a thre week old baby at Homecoming either.

Gramps and Gigi

My mom and stepdad left the morning of the 2nd. Josh's mom, dad and grandmother got her that afternoon. Gramps and Addie's Great-Grandmother stayed through the weekend and left on Monday morning. Josh's mom was able to stay with us all of last week. Grandmother and Gigi loved to just sit and hold and look at Addie. Gramps had a little more fun with her and decided to see if she could fit in his size 14 shoe - she could. Grandmother also makes a "famous" chocolate pie. We convinced her to make one while she was here. Gramps also thought that Addie needed to have her first taste of his mom's pie. We were able to take several 4 generation pictures. not many people are able to do that and it is really special that we will have that. Josh also gave Addison a bath by himself while I was at the gym and he even did her hair!

It was wonderful having Sue, Josh's mom, stay for the week. We didn't do a whole lot but enjoyed just hanging out together. Addison got some one on one snuggle time with her Gigi every morning while her mom and dad got a few hours of sleep. We also went to her first doctor's appointment for the 2 week check up. She was up to 6 lbs and 13 ozs - only 2oz short of birth weight. She was also about an inch longer. We are still having to wake her up every three hours and offer her a bottle of extra milk. Hopefully we will be able to stop at least one of those things this week after another check up.

Josh and I are now officially on our own - at least for 5 days until my dad and Pam get here for a weekend. I'm nervous (Josh is too) but I also know that we can learn and that God can give us what we need to be able to be good parents for Addie. I read in a book something like we are the only parents she will ever have and we are the perfect parents for our baby. That makes me feel good - God gave us this little girl and while we aren't perfect, we love her and each other.

Enjoy the pictures. The picture of the brooms is Josh's excitement for the week - he read that there is a weird gravitational thing going on right now and he had fun making the brooms stand up on their own.

I Love...

In the 12 days that I have had Addison there are so many things that I have already come to love.

- her sweet smell. I could smell her all day long.
- her beautiful dark hair. She has so much of it and I am excited to see if it will curl like mine or not.
- the way her hands are always up on her face. She will cover her whole face with her hands. Josh frequently has to move them so she will eat.
- the silly faces she makes, there are a ton.
- the way her tiny, soft hands will lay on my chest while I nurse her.
- the way Josh is so in love with her already.
- her beautiful eyes. I'm excited to see what color they will end up.
- the quiet little sighs that she makes while she sleeps.
- the way she likes to tuck her feet into my armpit while I nurse her.
- her cute little nose that my mom says looks just like mine.


I really love everything about her and I know that there are so many more things that I will discover that I love.

More pictures soon!

Birth Story - it's a long post

On Tuesday I woke up in a weird mood. I didn't want to stay home so I went to work with Josh and helped him with a few things. Then, I was able to convince Josh and my mom to let me go to the mall by myself. While I was at the mall I noticed that I was having small contractions and was bleeding a little when I went to the bathroom.

I got home and ate Josh's spicy chili I had asked him to make for dinner. I was still having contractions throughout the evening. They started getting pretty strong about 9pm but we didn't leave for the hospital until about 11:30. I think we probably waited too long but I wanted to be absolutely sure that they wouldn't send us home. We got to the hospital about midnight and went straight to a monitoring room. The contractions were pretty intense by then and when they checked me I was at a 5. I was only in the triage unit for about 20 minutes before going up to Labor and Delivery. Once we got up there things got rough fast- contractions were right on top of each other and I was throwing up. The nurse suggested I ask for the epidural right away if I was going to want one. The computers were also down so they said it may take longer than usual. I wanted to try to go as long as I could without the meds but I'm glad I asked when I did - it was actually cutting it really close and I almost didn't get it at all. The nurse had told me it wasn't too late until I couldn't sit still and those last 4 or 5 contractions I really thought I wasn't going to make it. When the anesthesiologist got there he was really patient and I was able to sit pretty still with Josh's help.

They had to stick me twice but after the epidural, life got better. The nurse would tell me I was having a contraction and I didn't even know. The nurses checked me as soon as the epidural set in and I was at a 9 - after just over an hour! They had me sit up for some reason that I don't remember after a few minutes and all of a sudden I felt my water break. During this whole ordeal the doctor was trying to get two bags of antibiotics in me since I was positive for strep b. They wanted to try and delay labor until the antibiotics had time to set in - 8 hours. There was no way that was happening but they still wanted to wait as long as possible. I was already feeling some pressure and after my water broke it got stronger quickly.

I told the nurses I wanted to start pushing and they seemed doubtful. The resident was a very nice woman who was super helpful. They told me to go ahead and try and I started making progress right away. I pushed for about 30 minutes and then she was out! Josh was holding my hands and supporting my back when I had to sit up to push. My mom was helping me with one leg and taking pictures. This might be too much information (sorry). She took pictures and told me if I wanted to look at them I could and if not, no big deal. I actually did look at them later and was wasn't too grossed out.

After she was gone everything went by really quickly. They gave her to me and then to Josh after a few minutes so they could work a little more on me. One of my favorite pictures is Josh holding her and looking at her right after she was born. It was a great and exhausting experience. I can't believe that it went so smoothly overall. They had to give me and Addie some antibiotics because I had a fever during the delivery but all the tests came back fine.

I am still amazed by this whole process. One of the first things I said to Addie was "You were definitely worth it". I am so thankful that God has been faithful even when we haven't. He made this beautiful little girl inside of me and got her here safely no matter how much I doubted him and have been angry over the past few years. I really don't understand how people can have babies and not believe in God.

Sorry this has been long - thanks for reading if you stuck with it.

Going home and a few firsts

We were able to go home on Saturday afternoon. Addie was still just a little bit under the line of needing to be under lights (the limit was 14 and her results were at 13.9). But, she had gained a few small grams which is way better than still losing weight. They set up a home nurse to come on Sunday rather than waiting until the middle of the week. When she was here she checked Addie and said that she gained another ounce and her jaundice numbers were significantly lower. They still want me to supplement with donor milk and keep waking her up every 3 hours to eat for a few more days. We will have another nurse visit tomorrow to see how she's doing.

My milk has come in or at least is doing much better. When we feed her I will nurse then give her bottle of supplement then pump. So, it's a long process and especially in the middle of the night I hate having to wake her up to eat because it takes forever. I cannot wait until I can just nurse her when she is hungary so we can all get some more sleep.

I had a rough night last night with being sore from nursing as well as just normal soreness from the delivery etc. I was so tired that everytime I would wake up I was totally disoriented. I kind of lost it about 6am and just cried. My mom took Addison downstairs with a bottle so Josh and I could sleep straight for at least 3 hours. It was awesome. It really has been a huge lifesaver to have my mom here. She has been cooking, cleaned my whole house, offered much needed advice and endless encouragement. I'm already dreading when she will leave on Friday and I'm already thinking of when Addie and I can fly out to visit. Larry flew in on Saturday and that has been fun too. He has the hardest time not just picking her up to hold her constantly!

We gave Addie her first bath at home on Sunday and took a short walk around the neighborhood. Today we went to Washington Park (an awesome, huge park with lots of great paths) and walked for awhile and took some pictures. It was a good afternoon and Addie and I both handled the outing pretty well. I am hoping that before Mom and Larry leave we will be able to go for a drive to the mountains to see the leaves changing colors.

That's about it for now - enjoy the pictures!
Hospital visitors -
Mom (Grammy)- Well, she wasn't really a visitor since she was with us helping a lot of the time....


Thayne and Joan McKnight - they are a precious couple at church who have been so special to Josh and I. Right after our last miscarriage their son and daughter in law lost a little girl so we have bonded and healed together through that.



Melanie Larson - she drove all the way from Cheyenne to come visit for a few hours. Mel is an incredible friend who has been praying for Addie since she found out I was pregnant. She was at the hosptial with Josh after my ectopic surgery and it was so special that this visit to the same hospital was for much happier circumstances.


Connie Monsees - Connie will be watching Addie for us when I go back to work. Her family is very special and such a blessing to Josh and I.


Sheila Wheeler is one of my good friends at church. She has a sweet little boy Brayden who is just over a year old. Maybe Sheila will be Addie's future mother-in-law?


Caren Monsees (Connie's daughter) - Caren is a senior in the youth group this year and can't wait to babysit!


In the car seat headed home from the hosptial.


The new family before we left the hosptial.


Grammy and Grampy with the new grandbaby - She is so loved!


Daddy and Addison in front of some flowers at the park.


On a walk in the park.