Throwing up is not fun

I don't care how great it is that the baby is growing or how good of a sign morning sickness (or in my case, night sickness) is. Throwing up is not something I enjoy or look forward to.

I started reading Chicken Soup for the Expectant Mother's Soul in an attempt to be more excited and to start feeling all motherly. Instead I think it is backfiring. There have been several essays where these women are talking about how much they loved everything about pregnancy and enjoyed every bit of it - even the throwing up- because it meant the baby was growing and developing. This may be a character flaw on my part, but I am not that joyful and excited yet. I still feel too crappy to be excited. My perception right now is that I'm bloated, sick and exhausted all the time because a little foreign body is growing inside me. That's not saying I'm not glad to be pregnant. I am so thankful! I just thought I would enjoy it more especially after we have gone through so much to get to this point. I guess I will just keep coming back to the idea that this is my first experience with putting my child first. And I will try to remember that throwing up is a good sign.

Pregnant observations

1. I have only gained 2 pounds but already clothes are feeling tight.

2. I am always hungry but things I normally like don't really sound good to me.

3. I miss coffee. I will be able to have some (like one cup a day) but I have to get to the point where drinking it won't make me puke.

4. I hate to throw up. I mean, I really hate it. But I have thrown up more in the past month that in probably the past 2 years combined.

5. For maybe the first time in my life, I am dreading going to the gym. It makes me nervous because I get queasy so easily and it also makes me angry that I can't do all the stuff I normally would.

6. I am paranoid about if things are safe or not. I am constantly checking to see what is and isn't ok for baby.

7. Josh is really helpful, and really patient.

8. Josh is also really excited because I have been craving Dr. Pepper or other sodas. I have never been a huge soda drinker so this is weird.

9. All 3 set of parents are already buying and mailing things to us. My dad and step mom have told me that they are starting to stock up on diapers for us.

10. I am so dizzy. I knew that exhaustion, my boobs hurting and nausea was a part of pregnancy but I was not at all prepared to always feel light-headed and dizzy. I don't like it.

11. I am ready to start experiencing more and more of this pregnancy stuff. I cannot wait until the baby is big enough for me to feel him/her kick. I am also excited to have a (hopefully) cute pregnant belly.

I can finally announce it....

Josh and I are pregnant! I am about 9 weeks along and we have know for about a month. We wanted to go ahead and tell people for a few reasons. 1. I can't keep it a secret anymore. 2.Since we have had some problems staying pregnant before we wanted as many prayers as possible that this baby will stay healthy.

The doctors have been watching me pretty closely so far and they are saying that everything is fine. I have had a few ER scares though - both for really, really bad cramps. This last visit they determined that I had some kind of infection that was probably making the cramps worse. I have been pretty nauseous and dizzy too so the doctors are watching both of those things closely as well.

The projected due date right now is October 1st. My dates have been a little off so that could change some to be earlier.

Let me first say that we are very happy. But, it has also been hard to be excited - I am feeling so sick and we are so nervous because of the two previous miscarriages. I know we will get more excited and it will continue to seem more real as the baby keeps growing. Thank you for all of your prayers. We will keep everyone updated.

This is one of the ultrasound pics from the 8 week appointment. It's exciting, amazing etc but I still don't think the little blob of a baby is cute....

The voice of God

On Wednesday nights Josh is teaching the youth group a modified version of the Experiencing God curriculum. This past week the class was about hearing God speak. Not literally, as in hearing a voice from a burning bush, but more about hearing what God is trying to tell you. It was a really good discussion and I think the kids got a lot out of it. One of the main points of the lesson was that you can't hear God speak to you if you don't know Him and recognize His voice.

While I was sitting in class thinking about different times I have felt God speaking to me in my life I had random thought. I really hope that the audible voice of God sounds like James Earl Jones. Really, have you ever thought about it? He has the greatest voice ever. He even plays Mufasa who is a god-parallel in Lion King (greatest Kadesh movie ever). I could hear God sounding like James Earl Jones when he is laughing as He created the giraffe, or as we do silly things. But, hearing when Mufasa gets mad at Simba, I can definitely hear that being a stern voice of God too.

I know this is totally random but I though it was kind of a cool thought.

Vegas

Due to popular request I have found the time to sit down and write about the trip to Vegas Josh and I took. We tried to do the trip as cheaply as possibly so that meant no shows or fancy restaurants (which is stuff I would have liked). We walked A LOT and saw A LOT. I really liked seeing the Forum Shops at Cesar's. I think the Venetian hotel was my favorite - it is beautiful and it smells good (like gardenias or magnolias). The Bellagio fountains were wonderful but it was freezing and hard to stay outside to watch for very long. I also really liked the Mirage hotel - very tropical. I would have loved to have seen one of the Cirque shows or eaten at one of Emril's restaurants but we can save that for next time.

Some observations from the trip:
-Women over a cartain age (or men for that matter) should not wear spandex, sheer, low cut or high hem clothing.
-Too many people smoke and it is gross.
-I'm not sure how I feel about people walking down the street with 3 foot tall margarita or daiquiri drinks.
- I really enjoyed the trip but I think 3 days of over stimulation is my limit.
-Time share people are nice when trying to sell you and jerks when you say no.
-It is disgusting to walk through rows of people trying to give your husband (or you) flyers for hookers.
-The hotels are giant, extravagant and amazing.

I'm sure there are others but that's all I can remember for now. Enjoy the pictures.

Panic Attack

Josh and I got back from a few days in Vegas on Saturday - I will post more about that when I get pictures and have a few minutes.

Ever since we got back I have been consumed with anxiety about getting ready to move. We have a lot of stuff packed already but each day as I look around our apartment all I can see is a huge mountain of empty boxes in the living room and things everywhere that need to go in the boxes. We are set to close on March 4th and move in the weekend. So I'm thinking "that's almost 3 weeks, surely that is enough time". Then I look at the calendar and the panic ensues. In the next 3 weeks Josh is gone for about 4 days and we are both so crazy busy with work. It looks like we will have a lot of late nights to get this move going.

Everybody Loves Raymond

Have you ever watched this show? It cracks me up! But, when I do catch a rerun on t.v. it also reminds of how lucky I am - I could have gotten stuck with in-laws like that! Yikes. Instead I completely lucked out. I love Josh's parents. Yeah, I do get teased a lot, mostly by Gary, but I can give it back to him to at least keep it even. Josh's mom Sue and I like a lot of the same things, read the same books etc. so I love to hang out with her. From the time Josh and I engaged (even a little before that) I felt included in their family. It helped that the first 6 months we were married we lived in Arlington so we were able to hang out a lot. But honestly, there have been few times that I can remember feeling like an "outsider", that they were too involved etc. I'm not sure we would want to live across the street from Gary and Sue, but I'm also fairly sure they wouldn't want us living across the street. I do wish we lived closer though - Colorado and Texas are pretty far apart. Josh and I do love it when we can visit. Sue especially always plans fun, unique stuff for the family to do and we get a little spoiled. I have friends who dread when their in laws come visit or they have to go to see them. That whole idea and stereotype is so foreign to me.

Yeah, I definitely got lucky.

The Day the Music Died

I have always loved Don McLean's Miss American Pie. Today is the anniversary of the plane crash that killed Buddy Holly, Richie Valens and Big Bopper. In honor of that I thought I would post an interpretation I found of the Miss American Pie Lyrics. Enjoy.

A long, long time ago…
“American Pie” reached #1 in 1972, shortly after it was released. Buddy Holly, unfortunately, died in 1959 while other aspects of the song hint even further back.

I can still remember how That music used to make me smile. And I knew if I had my chance, That I could make those people dance, And maybe they’d be happy for a while.
Sociologists credit teenagers with the popularity of Rock and Roll, as a part of the Baby boomer generation, they found themselves in a very influential position. Their shear number were the force behind most of our country’s recent major transitions. McLean was a teenager in 1959 and he begins by simply commenting that the music had an appealing quality to him as well as the millions of other teens. McLean also had an intense desire to entertain as a musician. His dream, to play in a band at high school dances, was the dream of many young boys who wanted to make people dance to Rock and Roll.

But February made me shiver,
Buddy Holly died on February 3, 1959, in a plane crash in Iowa during a snowstorm. Its rumored that the name of the plane was: American Pie.

With every paper I’d deliver,
McLean’s only job besides being a musician was being a paperboy.

Bad news on the doorstep… I could’t take one more step. I can’t remember if I cried When I read about his widowed bride
Holly’s recent bride was pregnant when the crash took place; she had a miscarriage shortly afterward.

But something touched me deep inside, The day the music died.
The same plane crash that killed Buddy Holly also tragically took the lives of Richie Valens (”La Bamba”) and The Big Bopper (”Chantilly Lace.”) Since all three were so prominent at the time, February 3, 1959, became known as “The Day The Music Died.”

(Refrain) Bye bye Miss American Pie,
There are several ideas, including that this references Marilyn Monroe, the plane that crashed or a girl McLean dated who was a Miss America contestant.

I drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry, Them good ol’ boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye Singing “This’ll be the day that I die, This’ll be the day that I die.”
Driving the Chevy to the levee almost certainly refers to the three college students whose murder was the subject of the film ‘Mississippi Burning.’ The students were attempting to register as black voters, and after being killed by bigoted thugs their bodies were buried in a levee. Them good ol’ boys being: Holly, Valens, and the Big Bopper, They were singing about their death on February 3. One of Holly’s hits was “That’ll be the Day”; the chorus contains the line “That’ll be the day that I die.” It is also said that there was a bar called the Levee that McLean frequented.

(Verse 2) Did you write the book of love,
“The Book of Love” by the Monotones; hit in 1958.”Oh I wonder, wonder who… who, who wrote the book of love?”

And do you have faith in God above, If the Bible tells you so?
In 1955, Don Cornell did a song entitled “The Bible Tells Me So.” It was difficult to tell if it was what McLean was referencing. It could also be a reference to the old religious song.

Now do you believe in rock ‘n roll?
The Lovin’ Spoonful had a hit in 1965 with John Sebastian’s “Do you Believe in Magic?”. The song has the lines: “Do you believe in magic” and “It’s like trying to tell a stranger ’bout rock and roll.”

Can music save your mortal soul? And can you teach me how to dance real slow?
Music was believed to “save the soul” and slow dancing was an important part of early rock and roll dance events. McLean was asking many questions about the early rock ‘n roll in an attempt to keep it alive or find out if it was already dead.

Well I know that you’re in love with him ‘Cause I saw you dancing in the gym
Back then, dancing was an expression of love,and carried a connotation of commitment. Dance partners were not so readily exchanged as they would be later.

You both kicked off your shoes
A reference to the beloved “sock hop.” (Street shoes tear up wooden basketball floors, so dancers had to take off their shoes.)

Man, I dig those rhythm ‘n’ blues
Before the popularity of rock and roll, music, like much elsewhere, was highly segregated. The popular music of black performers for largely black audiences was called, first “race music,” later softened to rhythm and blues. Starting around 1954, a number of songs from the rhythm and blues charts began appearing on the overall popular charts as well, but usually in cover versions by established white artists, (e.g.”Shake Rattle and Roll,” Joe Turner, covered by Bill Haley). By 1955, some of the rhythm and blues artists, like Fats Domino and Little Richard were able to get records on the overall pop charts.In 1956 Sun records added elements of country and western to produce the kind of rock and roll tradition that produced Buddy Holly.

I was a lonely teenage broncin’ buck With a pink carnation and a pickup truck
A White Sport Coat (And a Pink Carnation), “was a hit for Marty Robbins in 1957. The pickup truck has endured as a symbol of sexual independence and potency, especially in a Texas context.

But I knew that I was out of luck The day the music died I started singing…

Refrain

(Verse 3) Now for ten years we’ve been on our own
McLean was writing this song in the late 60’s,about ten years after the crash.

And moss grows fat on a rolling stone
It’s unclear who the “rolling stone” is supposed to be. It could be Dylan, since “Like a Rolling Stone” (1965) was his first major hit; and since he was busy writing songs ex-tolling the virtues of simple love, family and contentment while staying at home (he didn’t tour from ‘66 to ‘74) and raking in the royalties. This was quite a change from the earlier, angrier Dylan.
It could refer to rock and rollers, and the changes that had taken place in the business in the 60’s, especially the huge amounts of cash some of them were beginning to make, and the relative stagnation that entered the music at the same time.
Or, it could refer to the Rolling Stones themselves, many musicians were angry at the Stones for “selling out.” I discovered that John Foxx of Ultravox was sufficiently miffed to write a song titled “Life At Rainbow’s End (For All The Tax Exiles On Main Street).” The Stones at one point became citizens of some other country merely to save taxes.

But that’s not how it used to be When the jester sang for the King and Queen
The jester is Bob Dylan, as will become clear later. There are several interpretations of king and queen: some think that Elvis Presley is the king, which seems rather obvious. The queen is said to be either Connie Francis or Little Richard. An alternate interpretation is that this refers to the Kennedys — the King and Queen of “Camelot” — who were present at a Washington DC civil rights rally featuring Martin Luther King. (There’s a recording of Dylan performing at this rally. The Jester.)
The third interpretation is that the jester could be Lee Harvey Oswald who sang (shouted) before he was shot for the murder of the King (JFK).

In a coat he borrowed from James Dean
In the movie “Rebel Without a Cause,” James Dean has a red windbreaker that holds symbolic meaning throughout the film. In one particularly intense scene, Dean lends his coat to a guy who is shot and killed; Dean’s father arrives, sees the coat on the dead man, thinks it’s Dean, and loses it. On the cover of “The Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan,” Dylan is wearing just such a red windbreaker, posed in a street scene similar to movie starring James Dean.Bob Dylan played a command performance for the Queen of England. He was not properly attired, so perhaps this is a reference to his apparel.

And a voice that came from you and me
Bob Dylan’s roots are in American folk music,with people like Pete Seeger and Woody Guthrie. Folk music is by definition the music of the masses, hence the “…came from you and me.”

Oh, and while the King was looking down The jester stole his thorny crown
Likely a reference to Elvis’ decline and Dylan’s rise. Consider that Elvis was is the army at the time of Dylan’s ascendancy and a common Army marching song sings, “Ain’t no use in looking down, ain’t no discharge on the ground”. The thorny crown might be a reference to the price of fame. Dylan has said that he wanted to be as famous as Elvis, one of his early idols.
or… Lee Harvey Oswald being the jester who ended the reign of JFK and “stole his crown.”
or…A third interpretation is the quote made by John Lennon and taken out of context indicating that John felt The Beatles were more popular then Jesus. John and The Beatles took the crown from Christ.

The courtroom was adjourned, No verdict was returned.
This could be the trial of the Chicago Seven, but its more likely to be the fact that no verdict was returned for the assassination of JFK because the assassin was killed so the court was adjourned.

And while Lennon read a book on Marx,
Or it could be be… And while Lenin read a book on Marx,
Someone has to introduce Vladamir Lenin, the father of Marxist communism, to the ideology of Karl Marx. Literally, John Lennon reading about Karl Marx; figuratively, the introduction of radical politics into the music of The Beatles. The “Marx-Lennon” word play has also been used by others.

The quartet practiced in the park
There are two schools of thought about this; the obvious one is The Beatles playing in Shea Stadium, but note that the previous line has John Lennon *doing something else at the same time*. This tends to support the theory that this is a reference to the Weavers, who were blacklisted during the McCarthy era. McLean had become friends with Lee Hays of the Weavers in the early 60’s while performing in coffeehouses and clubs in upstate New York and New York City.

And we sang dirges in the dark
A “dirge” is a funeral or mourning song, so perhaps this is meant literally…or, perhaps, this is a reference to some of the new “art rock” groups that played long pieces not meant for dancing. In the dark of the death of Holly.

The day the music died. We were singing…

Refrain

(Verse 4) Helter Skelter in a summer swelter
Helter Skelter” is a Beatles song that appears on the “White” album. Charles Manson, claiming to have been “inspired”by the song (through which he thought God and/or the devil were taking to him) led his followers in the Tate-LaBianca murders.Is “summer swelter” a reference to the “Summer of Love” or perhaps to the “long hot summer” of Watts?

The birds flew off with the fallout shelter Eight miles high and falling fast
Without a doubt this refers to the Byrds who helped launch David Crosby to super stardom. The Byrd’s song “Eight Miles High” was found on their late 1966 release “Fifth Dimension.” They recorded this song when some of the groups members were considering leaving. A fallout shelter was sometimes referred to as the fifth dimension because of the 1950’s fascination with sci-fi and the futuristic appearance of a fallout shelter. This was one of the first records widely banned because of supposedly drug-oriented lyrics.
Another idea considers The Beatles‘ “Helter Skelter.” A line from the song reads, ‘I’m coming down fast but I’m miles above you.’ The similarity is pretty obvious.

It landed foul on the grass
One of the Byrds was busted for possession of marijuana.

The players tried for a forward pass
Obviously a football metaphor, but about what? It could be the Rolling Stones, i.e., they were waiting for an opening that really didn’t happen until The Beatles broke up.With regard to the next idea, the players maybe other musicians who received the opportunity to shine when Dylan was injured.

With the jester on the sidelines in a cast
On July 29, 1966, Dylan crashed his Triumph 55 motorcycle while riding near his home in Woodstock, New York. He spent nine months in seclusion while recuperating from the accident.

Now the half-time air was sweet perfume
Drugs, man. Or it could be that this line and the next few refer to the 1968 Democratic National Convention. The “sweet perfume” is probably tear gas.

While sergeants played a marching tune
Following from the second thought above, the sergeants would be the Chicago Police and the Illinois National Guard, who marched protesters out of the park where the Convention was being held and into jail.Alternatively, this could refer to The Beatles’ “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band.” Or, perhaps McLean refers to The Beatles’ music as “marching” because it’s not music for dancing. Or the “marching tune” could be the draft.

We all got up to dance Oh, but we never got the chance
The Beatles’ 1966 Candlestick Park concert only lasted 35 minutes. But at this point The Beatles were not “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” (1967)Or, following on from the previous comment, perhaps he was considering the hippies who were protesting the Convention. They were known for playing their own folk music.

‘Cause the players tried to take the field, The marching band refused to yield.
Some folks think this refers to either the 1968 Democratic Convention or Kent State. If the players are the protesters at Kent State, and the marching band the Ohio National Guard…This could be a reference to the dominance of The Beatles on the rock and roll scene. The other Beatles reference here could refer to the Monkees. The Monkees were merely actors (or players), they were not a true band but a fabrication attempting to replicate The Beatles. The players tried to take the place of the Fab Four but the band wouldn’t step down. This could also easily refer this to “The Play” in the Stanford v. Cal game in ‘82, years after “Miss American Pie” was released…”THE BAND IS OUT ON THE FIELD!!!”

Do you recall what was revealed, The day the music died?

We started singing

(Verse 5) And there we were all in one place
Woodstock.

A generation lost in space
Some people think this is a reference to the US space program, which it might be (the first moon landing took place in ‘69); but that seems a bit too literal. Perhaps this is a reference to hippies, who were sometimes known as the “lost generation,” partially because of their particularly acute alienation from their parents, and partially because of their presumed preoccupation with drugs (which was referred to as being “spaced-out.”)

With no time left to start again
The “lost generation” spent too much time being stoned, and had wasted their lives. Or, perhaps, their preferences for psychedelia had pushed rock and roll so far from Holly’s music that it couldn’t be retrieved.

So come on Jack be nimble Jack be quick
Probably a reference to Mick Jagger of the Rolling Stones; “Jumpin’Jack Flash” was released in May 1968.

Jack Flash sat on a candlestick
The Stones’ Candlestick park concert? Jack Flash is also a cockney slang term for pharmaceutical heroin. If you know how to use heroin, you understand the reference.

‘Cause fire is the devil’s only friend
It’s possible that this is a reference to the Grateful Dead’s “Friend of the Devil.”An alternate interpretation of the last four lines is that they may refer to Jack Kennedy and his quick decisions during the Cuban Missile Crisis; the candlesticks/fire refer to ICBMs and nuclear war.

And as I watched him on the stage, my hands were clenched in fists of rage; No angel born in hell, could break that Satan’s spell
While playing a concert at the Altamont Speedway in 1968, the Stones appointed members of the Hell’s Angels to work security (on the advice of the Grateful Dead). In the darkness near the front of the stage, a young man named Meredith Hunter was beaten and stabbed to death — by the Angels. Public outcry that the song “Sympathy for the Devil” (because of “satan’s spell”) had somehow incited the violence and caused the Stones to drop the song from their show for the next six years. This could also be a referrence to Jim Morrison.

And as the flames climbed high into the night, To light the sacrificial rite
The most likely interpretation is that McLean is still talking about Altamont, and in particular Mick Jagger’s prancing and posing and “climbing high” while it was happening. Or the bonfires around the area could provide the flames. The sacrifice is Meredith Hunter.It could be a reference to Jimi Hendrix lighting his guitar on fire. Or, it could also reference “Light my Fire” and Morrison’s fascination with Dionysian theater and ancient sacred rituals, and with blending that element into rock performances.

I saw Satan laughing with delight
If the above is correct, then Satan would be Jagger.

The day the music died He was singing…

Refrain

(Verse 6) I met a girl who sang the blues
Ms. Janis Joplin, the lady of the blues.

And I asked her for some happy news But she just smiled and turned away
Janis died of an accidental heroin overdose on October 4, 1970.

I went down to the sacred store Where I’d heard the music years before
There are two interpretations of this: The “sacred store” was Bill Graham’s Fillmore West, one of the great rock and roll venues of all time. Alternatively, this refers to record stores, and their long time (then discontinued) practice of allowing customers to preview records in the store. It could also refer to record stores as “sacred” because this is where one goes to get “saved.” (See above lyric “Can music save your mortal soul?”)

But the man there said the music wouldn’t play
Perhaps he means that nobody is interested in hearing Buddy Holly’s music? Or, as above, the discontinuation of the in-store listening booths.

And in the streets the children screamed
Flower children” being beaten by police and National Guard troops; in particular, perhaps, the People’s Park riots in Berkeley in 1969 and 1970.It is possible that this refers to the Vietnamese children. Life magazine was famous for publishing horrifying photos of children in Vietnam during the Vietnamese War.

The lovers cried and the poets dreamed
The trend toward psychedelic music in the 60’s?Or again the hippies who were both great lovers and poets who would then be crying because of the difficulties of their struggle and dreaming of peace.

But not a word was spoken The church bells all were broken
It could be that the broken bells are the dead musicians: neither can produce any more music or that because of the culture at the time younger generations were staying out of churches.

And the three men I admire most The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost
Holly, The Big Bopper, and Valens, or JFK, Martin Luther King, and Bobby Kennedy, or simply the Catholic aspects of the deity. McLean had attended several Catholic schools.

They caught the last train for the coast
It could just be a way of saying that they’ve left (or died — western culture has used “went west” as a synonym for dying). Or, perhaps this is a reference to the famous “God is Dead” headline in the New York Times. It could also be the sense of hopelessness people felt at the time.

The day the music died
This tends to support the conjecture that the”three men” were Holly/Bopper/Valens, since this says that they left us on the day the music died.

And they were singing…

Refrain (2x)

A good experience

Normally I hate anything that requires red tape and getting a run around - car insurance is one of those things. Not this time though.

A few weeks ago I was rear-ended and then hit the car in front of me. Last week my car was in the shop all week and Progressive (my insurance as well as the other driver's) gave me a rental, fixed my car and guaranteed all the repairs. I like that. I was really dreading having to deal with insurance adjusters, the car repair place etc. But this experience was surprising painless and it ended well.

So, if you are changing car insurance - I can give Progressive a good recommendation!