Poem

My friend Melanie emailed me this poem. It was written by a woman who experienced several miscarriages. I enjoyed reading it and thought I would share it.

"A Pair of Shoes"

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some woman are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.


Thanks Mel - love you!!

The fun begins

Today is the start of the NBA 2008-2009 season. I liked basketball before I married Josh but now my interest has definitely increased beyond casual like. My favorite team is the Dallas Mavericks. Now that Josh and I live in Denver we try to go to the games where the Mavs are in town to play the Nuggets.

I really like Dirk Nowitzki and Steve Nash. In fact, I frequently get made fun of because one of the things I like about them is that they are such good friends. I know it's a girly reason, but I think it's great - they used to hang out all the time and are still good friends now that they are on separate teams, Dirk is even the god-father for Nash's daughters. There was actually a Sports Illustrated article either last year or the year before about how they have stayed friends even though they now compete against each other.



So, yeah, its not a typical reason to like players but I don't care. I love the sport and if the players are good guys who are good role models it just makes things even better. I'm sure there will be more posts about basketball, Nash, Dirk and players I truly don't like (Tim Duncan, Manu Ginobli, etc) through out the season. Stay tuned....

22 yards

This may seem trivial but I wanted to share my recent accomplishment...

Every once in a while Josh and I will walk down to the part by our apartment and play football. We usually play catch for an hour or so and then head home. He has been teaching me how to throw a good line drive and a tight spiral. If I can brag on my self for a little bit, I can throw better than most girls I know. This past Saturday we were playing and Josh decided to see how far I could throw a good pass. We set the mark at 20 yards. I was able to get it there a few times and once even made 22 yards!! I know that's not that great for even a middle school boy, but I felt pretty accomplished that I could throw a decent pass that far. Plus, my arm is sore to prove it. I wish I had taken a picture to post - maybe next time.

During this event, Josh jammed his pinkie finger. He said it was a bad throw, I say that it was a bad catch but either way - Josh, I am sorry that you are hurt and I appreciate you hanging out and playing for the afternoon!

By the numbers -

My life by the numbers:

3 - the number of siblings I have
5 - the number of years Josh and I will be married on our next anniversary
8 - the number of years I am older than my sister
15- the number of places I can remember living
1 - the number of bones I have broken (well I guess it was 2 since I broke both bones in my arm)
30 - how old Josh will be on his next birthday
4 - the number of times my birthday has been on Thanksgiving Day
13- the number of countries I have been to
6 - the number of bridesmaids in my wedding
19 - the number of pets I remember having (not counting fish)

I will never...

I will never:
-be able to wear a short shirt without feeling uncomfortable.
- think it is attractive to be intoxicated.
-stop being excited to open presents or to give presents.
-understand why athletes and celebrities are praised for being jerks and not held to a higher standard.
-be better at grilling or making scrambled eggs than my husband.
-interested in golf.
-stop being opinionated.
-be model-skinny, I have been involved in sports most of life and have the muscles to show for it.
-like taking out the trash.
-dress up just to go to the mall.
-give up wearing flip flops or t-shirts even if it is sloppy.
-stop enjoying Disney movies.
-be able to completely give up junk food - especially brownies.
-be the kind of wife, friend or daughter that I desire to be.
-like sauerkraut.
-dye my hair blond.

What will you never do?

Song Lyrics

This song has been running through my head lately:

"Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name"

**What beautiful words. They are so simple but so incredibly powerful. My favorite part is "my heart will CHOOSE to say". Even when we feel surrounded by darkness or when God takes things away, we choose to bless Him and praise Him. It's hard to get to the point where you want to praise God in the hard times instead of just when things are going your way, but I really believe that He will bless us even more when we are faithful and can praise in the trials.

Political Chaos

I have a lot to say about this subject. Let's just get the most shocking out of the way now....I am not a die hard Republican. I know that is almost heresy in Texas but it's the truth.

I grew up thinking both of my parents were pretty conservative - little did I know that my mom, a fellow social worker, was a closet Democrat. The older I got and the more immersed in the social work community I became, the less conservative I became.
There are certain things that are faith issues that I will always hold true. But there also seems to be a shift in my political views that may or may not come from my profession. Democratic policy is historical much better for human services with regard to funding, programs etc. I guess really I am more of an Independent instead blindly loyal to one party.

There seem to be two things that currently annoy me about politics - specifically politics and faith. The first is that I don't like feeling like an outsider, or even worse, less of a Christian because I am not a conservative Republican. Does not registering as a Republican put my salvation in jeopardy? Absolutely not. Does an Obama bumper sticker make me love Jesus less? I don't think so. I may not completely agree with all of his policies but I think that it is rare that there is a politician that we agree with about 100% of things. For that matter, it is rare to have a friend that you agree with 100% of the time.

Political emails also drive me crazy. If the subject line looks even remotely like a political forward I delete the email and have been known to politely ask to be removed from any future forward list. I respect other's opinions and would appreciate people respecting mine. I don't shy away from questions or disagreements, but please, never tell me that Democrats can't be Christians.

Anti-social

I feel like my blogging, or lack thereof, has been rather pathetic lately. So, I apologize to everyone who faithfully checks my blog and has been disappointed lately.

I think I am going through an anti-social phase. Part of that is probably due to being extremely busy and having a "to-do" list that causes me to panic every time I think about it. I also feel like there has been quite a bit of stress and drama in my life during the past few weeks. I have also begun to realize once again that my husband and I do not get to spend much time together during the week - at least time when we are both awake and functioning and that makes me grumpy. Add grumpy to tired and irritated and it is not a pleasant combination. One thing that I know about myself is that when I am tired, stressed or overwhelmed I tend to over-analyze and get upset about small insignificant things. I also begin to loss control over my internal sensor. The result is saying things more bluntly than I should. In perhaps an effort to combat all of this, I have been retreating to spent more time with books, quiet, the gym, long walks and naps. Eventually I will have to come out of this phase where I avoid people, phone calls and any drama that I am not getting paid to deal with. But for now, I am content to be anti-social and melancholy.

I will most likely keep posting short and probably random thoughts so that you all know I'm at least still alive and able to access a computer. But don't except anything incredibly insightful or moving.

Now it's really Fall!

The past few days it has finally started feeling cooler here in Denver. Today is one of those cloudy, gray days that makes me want to stay in bed with a book. As I was driving to work I started thinking about some of my favorite fall memories and thought I would share a few.

When I was little and we lived in Rhode Island, every September my family would go camping in New Hampshire to see the leaves changing colors. A few times we went to Vermont and got to make our own maple syrup and snow ice cream. It was always such a beautiful time a year - the leaves were all shades of red, yellow and orange. Someday I want to take Josh to New England this time of year. It is incredible.

In high school fall meant 2 things - youth group retreats at Camp Hensel and football games. Each week after all the football games we would go hang out at someones house. We started making silly flyers each week to advertise where we would get together. I was cleaning out a box of stuff a month or so ago and found a few of those flyers. In Texas, high school football is a HUGE deal and Leander High School was no exception. Homecoming was even a bigger deal - everything was decorated, girls had mums that would touch the floor, we even had to tape up the bells on the mums because it drove the teachers crazy!
Our Westover Hills high school retreat was also one of the highlights of my year. Camp Hensel wasn't anything extraordinary as camps go, but it holds countless memories of times in worship, prayer and of course playing capture the flag.

Another thing I love about this time is cooking things that I don't cook the rest of the year. Last night I made homemade caramel corn and a week or so ago I made apple crisp and pumpkin bread. The other things on my list that I need to make soon are: beef stew, soup in bread bowls, cider, baked apples, sweet potatoes, and lots more. One year when we lived in Kansas my family went to one of the Indian reservations for a holiday festival thing. They had a stew that was sausage, apples and molasses. It sounds weird but it is incredibly good. My mom is going to make it for me sometime in the next week or so while she and Larry are in this area.

The smell of the crisp air makes me think of camping, walks outside, football games, and holding hands with people I love. I start to think about my fluffy comforter, flannel sheets, warm PJs, hot tea and the holidays that are coming up. I love all the decorations with wheat, pumpkins, gourds, pine cones and other natural outdoorsy stuff. It's hard to decided if I have one favorite time of year because there are things I love about every season but I am glad that it finally feels like fall is here.

Handbag Planet

My friend Mellie told me about this contest. There is a new company launching that is going to give away a handbag every hour on October 21. You can go to the website and enter the contest. If you join the facebook page or write about them on your blog then you get even more entries!!

They have some cute stuff. You should check it out.

Retreat Update

The retreat went very well. I'm not really in a "blogging" mood right now so you will have to get highlights later.

In other news:
- The Longhorns are now 5-0
- The Red Sox beat the Angels 3-1 and move on the play Tampa Bay in the AL Championship
- We have our first chance for snow in Denver later this week (only a small chance)
- I now have about 50% of my Christmas shopping done. WooHoo!
- Sweetest Day (a holiday to remember not only the sick, aged and orphaned, but also friends, relatives and associates whose helpfulness and kindness we have enjoyed) is on October 18th this year.
- My favorite candle that I have had for the past few years and only burned sparingly is finally done.
- I read a book in the past 48 hours from cover to cover.
- I will attempt to write a real blog entry later with actual pertinent information.

Random News.

This weekend I am going to a Women's Retreat with University Church. I am so excited!! I have been working on planning this retreat for about 6 months and I am anxious to see how it will come together. My mom is even going to get to come since she and Larry will be in the area. Jeanane Reese is the speaker - I had several classes with her in college and am excited to hear her speak. The theme is 2Corinthians and "Freedom".

The retreat is up in Grand Lake at Snow Mountain Ranch and it is so so beautiful up there. This facility is truly like a resort - no camp bunk beds with gross mattresses or freezing cold water. This place is huge and each room has 2 queen beds with linens and a fold out couch and a bathroom. It is great! Hopefully the weather will continue to be beautiful while we are there.

I will definitely write an update when I get back.

On another note - I have now memorized James 1 and 2 although I keep getting stuck on parts of chapter 2. I feel like I've kind of hit a wall and am having a hard time going further without forgetting the early stuff I've learned.