Job

I really don't know where to start. My next planned blog entry was going to be about Josh's Honduras trip. Then Monday happened. I walked into work ready for the day and about an hour into it my supervisor asked to talk with me. I went to her office and our weird, annoying Executive Director was there too. She politely told me that because the agency was so in the red that my position was being cut and that I had a two week notice which was really a one week notice since I was going on vacation next week. I held it together pretty good until the end when I thought about saying goodbye to my families and kids that I work with.

I had a doctor's appointment scheduled and they told me to go to that and then take the day off. Instead, after my appointment I came back and met Courtney and Jennifer (my foster care team) for lunch. Jennifer's hours got cut from 40 to 24 also. Courtney is the case aide/admin person. We were all confused as to my it was my position since (not to toot  my own horn) I'm not the newest person, I have a full case load, and I have a skill set and resources that no one else on the team or even in the agency does. It doesn't make sense that it would be my position when there is another person on our team who doesn't have a nearly full case load and doesn't do all the extra stuff I do like teaching training classes etc. When we asked those questions we were given shady answers so it seems like something else is going on which makes it even worse that they aren't just being upfront. Over and over again my supervisor who I really like and our Ex. Director praised my job performance and what I have done for the department and said it wasn't a factor in the decision but when I asked what was they wouldn't tell me.They would just say it involved other people and they could divulge that information.

I keep telling myself there is no point is dwelling on that stuff because it won't change anyone's mind. Yesterday I had to tell 3 of my families goodbye at meeting I already had scheduled. One foster mom that I have had since I first started at Adoption Alliance (she is an older retired woman who takes tough kids) started crying. To me, this isn't just a job. I care so much about this families and the kids they take in. I want the best for them, I will wonder what happened, I want to make sure that someone is fighting for them. I am worried about the financial implications of no job but I'm really upset about the emotional impact right now. I could have done this job forever.

I love my job. It's a huge part of my identity. I am already looking for something else because I enjoy it so much. I'm good at it. I'm good at walking along side kids and families, hearing their struggles, helping the kids find permenancy, and working to help them grow and change. 

This is Leslie - a sweet girl I worked with who was adopted by her foster family!

This is Leslie and her brother Jordan at Jordan's Tae Kwan Do Belt Ceremony. I love these kids!


I am trying so hard to believe that God has a bigger plan for all this. I just want to see it. I want to see the whole picture. I don't want to be angry or depressed. I want to be hopeful. I want to reflect God in this.

It's OVER

I have officially finished my 7th summer as a youth ministry widow. In fact, my sweet husband gave me a card and a gift certificate for a day of rock climbing in honor of that.

Really, I was thinking that this summer in particular was going to be the hardest one yet but it wasn't at all. If I do say so myself, I did well with Addie by self and I had lots of help from Connie and my mom. The biggest challenge this summer was that instead of Josh being gone a week, home a week, gone a week etc. he was gone for two weeks, home a week, gone another week and half. Two weeks was the longest time he has been away in one chunk, especially since Addison has been a part of our family.

Josh had some awesome experiences this summer and I wish I could have been a part of them - I guess in a way I was. This year's Kadesh theme was HOPE. My favorite. This was the theme the first year that I was a camper and the first year that I was a counselor. It has a huge part in why we picked Addison's middle name. It has played a huge part in my life in general. When I was a camper I left the day after Kadesh to go to Africa for the first time and on the way home from Africa 3 weeks later got very (deathly) ill. I remember vividly laying in my hospital bed in Chicago where the plane had to do an emergency landing and thinking that if I died it would be ok because I had no doubts that I would go to heaven. What I had learned about Hope was so real to me. That experience changed much of my faith and outlook of life.

Hope again played a huge role in my life when Josh and I struggled with miscarriages. I have been waiting for the Kadesh theme to come back around and was upset that I couldn't make it this year but in a way it's probably better. Josh was able to talk, on Addison's 9 month birthday, about my story of Hope and how it's important to me and how it has played a part in how we named her.

There was some youth group drama at Kadesh over kids bringing cell phones and being mad and Josh for taking them up so they could focus on camp - oh the life of a youth minister.....

After Kadesh, Josh went directly to OC for Cornerstone with a few high school counselors and some adults from Denver drove the MS campers there. It was a good week for him to be with friends but hard to be away for so long.

It was great when he finally came home - Addie was so much bigger and moving around so much more! She had started actually crawling quickly and getting into things right as he left so I had to begin to adjust to the more mobile baby by myself. He was amazed at how much difference two weeks made.

So, that's the first part of the summer - the other big thing was the mission trip to Honduras which I will have to write about later since I should be working right now.

Even though it's challenging at times, I am so very blessed to be the wife of a youth minister. I love to see his passion for teens, even when he is frustrated with them. I love that I grow to love these kids and that I get to be a part of their lives. I am excited to see Addison continue to grow up around the youth group and these kids that love her so much. I am excited to teach her that even when her dad leaves a lot in the summers its because he is spreading God's love to others and we should be proud of him and pray for him. I want her to develop of love of ministry just like Josh.

Totally Overwhelmed

I have tried to sit down and blog almost every day recently and my brain has been on total overload. Last week I had a really bad week at work. I mean, bad! It was pretty emotional. I worked 17 hours on Wednesday and 12 hours on Thursday. There was a crisis in one of my foster homes that was really stable - one of the boys did something he shouldn't have and the parents no longer felt safe having him in the home and so he and his younger brother had to leave. In the process of all this we had search and rescue and about 50 volunteers out searching the hill country and land where the foster parents live. I can't really go into details but I was an emotional wreck for a few days. To top it off, I couldn't sleep because I couldn't turn my brain off.

I love my job and I love the work that I do. Overall it is rewarding and I work with some fantastic foster families. I love being able to take kids that other people may have written off and helping them succeed or at least do more than they have previously. Sometimes its not about amazing, news worthy success stories, it's just about growth and changes they make. Anyway....as much as I enjoy my job I have been really burnt out the last few weeks. It could be that it's a combination of work, not really taking care of myself and Josh being gone among other things. Things have also been stressful at the agency because of finances and money. We don't have as many kids in placement as we need to in order to meet our budget and the adoption departments are short as well. I have an AWESOME team that I work with - I love these ladies and they are great friends as well as co-workers. So, I'm hopefully that all of this work chaos will straighten itself out soon.

It has caused me to question a little bit about if I am doing the right thing being involved in a career that is so emotional draining and time consuming. But I honestly can't imagine doing anything else. I could see myself making money with crafts and sewing if I do take some time off work later, but I still want to be involved with social work. It's what I do and a big part of who I am.

I feel like I'm rambling so enough about work.

My mom has been here taking care of Addie for 2 weeks and everyone involved has loved it! Grammy and Grampy have loved this time  Addison and I know it's been special for them. I am loving how attached Addie is to Mom and Larry. She cries when they leave and she has so much fun with them! She loves to play with their dog Sandy and gets jealous when Sandy is in Grampy's lap and she isn't (Sandy gets jealous of Addie too). It really has been an awesome few weeks. Grammy and Grampy will leave this week but will stay in Colorado until her birthday. They will be in several different mountain campgrounds enjoying Colorado.

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The shoes in the pic where Addie is on the stairs were mine when I was little! Just a random bit of info.....

Webb Family Fun

I have had a lot of family excitement lately. The last part of June Addie and I flew to NM to see my Mom and stepdad. The greatest part about this was that my brother Sean and his wife Ashley flew in also. We all came into El Paso and then drove up to camp in Cloudcroft NM for several days. It was wonderful! I haven't seen Sean and Ashley in 3 years and even then it was for 48 hours or less at my Mamma's funeral. The time before that was at their wedding when I met Ashley.

Sean is currently is Harding grad school getting a master's degree in church history. He is so smart and his dream is to teach at the college level. I have no doubts that he will achieve this. When he is finished with his thesis he is planning to pursue a doctoral degree as well. Ashley is a middle school art teacher from the St. Louis area. I love her art work - she is so talented!

This time together was very, very special for me. Sean and I were really close before I left for college and even while I was in college but we slowly lost touch. Part of that I think is due to some things that happened in our family and part of that is lack of communication - they don't have a phone other than for emergencies so we communicate by sporadic emails. I really hadn't even been able to get to know Ashley and I desperately wanted to. At first I was planning for Addison and I to fly to Memphis to see them so they could meet their niece. Instead we decided to all go meet at Mom's house.

Ashley LOVED Addison and Grammy and Grampy did a great job of sharing their baby time. I really enjoyed getting to know Ashley too - we have a lot more in common than I thought. She is so good for my brother and such a blessing to our family. One of the highlights of the trip was when Sean, Mom, Ashley and I played Pictionary. Sean and Mom have long had the reputation of being unbeatable. Ashley and I didn't win but we came really, really close. Then Sean and I teamed up and slaughtered Mom and Ashley - we laughed so hard my stomach hurt!

I hope that my children will grow up having a close relationship with their aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. I didn't always have that and I pray that my kids do. I want to always make an effort to make sure that our families stay connected and I am so thankful for the time we got to spend together!

A few weeks later Addie and I drove to Durango to see my sister Aletheia (Aunt Goober). She is in Albuquerque for the summer but she and her boyfriend Ryan were in Durango because Ryan was in a wedding. So Addison and I packed up and made the trek down to Durango. Addie actually did ok in the car. We had to stop to feed and her get her out of her car seat to play every few hours but overall it wasn't bad. We had a wonderful time with Goober and she was really surprised at how big Addie was and how much more stuff she could do now that she couldn't in February. I probably won't see Aletheia again until Christmas and by then Addie will be walking and maybe even talking! It was lots of fun to see her and Ryan. The girls went into town and got our pedicures one afternoon and just had a sissy/auntie afternoon. I definitely wish my family all lived closer but I love it when we do get to hang out.

More on our lives soon!

Favorite Things Update

I posted a few new baby things on the other blog

lhttp://shiloh-jones.blogspot.com/2010/07/baby-stuff.html

Just FYI

I totally plan on updating the blog with things that have been going lately but I have been swamped - not neccesarily with baby stuff but with work - work has been crazy. I actually have a lot to update you on - I have several trips to see family - one of those trips was the first time I had seen my brother Sean in 3 years!
Life has also been interesting with Josh being gone for awhile off and on with his youth group stuff. I'm glad that summer is almost over.

So, I will try really hard to get to that tomorrow!

New Adventure

If you know me well you know that I have a creative spirit. I love to make things. I am always looking for new ideas, inspiration etc. Another part of me is that I am always trying to save money, get deal, use a coupon, make money etc. So, after ignoring the impulse for far to long I have decided to try and merge these two instincts. The result is

A Few of My Favorite Things

My goal for this site is to showcase things I have made, prices, what is available and for people to be able to order things that they might like for themselves or for a gift. I am not expecting this to be a full blown income (although that would be great) but if I can generate a little extra money for my family that would be fabulous. So, take a look, please leave any feedback and consider placing an order. Anything that is put on there can be personalized in a variety of ways. 

This may be a huge flop but I guess we will see. I am praying that it works out. Thanks for the support!

~Shiloh

Father's Day - 2 weeks late

I apologize to my husband for this being so late. But, in all honesty, he has been out of town for two weeks so he probably didn't notice.

I could easily write a long mushy blog about this being Josh's first Father's Day and how special that is to us for a lot of reasons. In the interest of time (I'm at work) and for those of you who really don't want to read the long mushy blog, I will do a top ten list of reasons why Josh is a great dad.

#10. He knows how to do girl's hair already.

#9 He changes diapers, gives baths, feeds her dinner and gets her dressed. 

#8 He is already protective of her. This picture is silly (the shirt says Dads Against Daughters Dating), but I know that he will continue to protect her as much as he can - from physical harm as well as emotional and spiritual harm. 

 
#7 Josh is so good at taking pictures of her! If it was up to me there wouldn't be facebook pictures of updates to family. Josh is great at capturing the precious expressions, moments and memories with Addie.

#6 He is a youth minister. This has pros and cons - the major con being the Josh disappears frequently. But, I am excited about Addie growing up in a family involved in ministry. I want to teach her to serve others and be proud of what her Daddy does and the sacrifices he makes to help teens know and love Jesus.

#5 He loves to play with her and make her laugh! I think it is so fun to sit and watch Josh play with Addie and tickle her, fly her around the room and make her laugh. I know that he will continue to play all kinds of games with her as she grows.

#4 Family is important to him. Even when things get crazy (like right now) it's important to Josh that he stay connected to his family. I know that will be an even bigger blessing to Addie and any future kids that their Dad makes them a priority. 

#3 Josh loves Addison! He has loved her from the first time he saw her and even before that. He loves to sit and hold his daughter. Sometimes I have to tell him to put her in her bed so she doesn't get used to being held while she sleeps. He loves to snuggle her in the mornings after she wakes up. He acts all goofy around her and it is so obvious that he loves her. She will always know her Daddy loves her!

#2 Josh loves me. This is important because I think children need to know that their parents are in love and that their marriage is important. I have no problem if it embarrasses Addison as she gets bigger when we kiss or hug in public or around her. 

#1 He loves God. He will pray for Addison and pray with her. He read her bible stories and teach her to have her own faith. I can't think of a better legacy or example to leave to your children as a father. Loving God and following him has and will continue to enable Josh to be a great father! 

Happy Belated Father's Day Joshua! I love you!

Pictures can say 1000 words - Summer so far!

So far summer with Addison has been awesome! She loves the water which is perfect since Josh and I do too. The only problem is finding the time to actually go to the park and the pool....

On Saturday Addie and I will go to the Highlands Street Fair - on of my favorite Denver things - a huge street/arts and crafts fair in a really eclectic part of town. There is yummy food and concerts all day. Sunday we may get to go swimming again too. The sad part of all this is that on Saturday morning Josh leaves for two weeks of camp. We will miss him a lot! I'm slightly nervous about two weeks of single parenting but I know there are people I can call if I need anything and I will be going to see my mom and my brother Sean in the middle of that time for the weekend. Plus, Addie and I have our routine down and are used to hanging out by ourselves. Still, it's not the same without Daddy here.

Overall things are going well. I love summer and am really enjoying this time with my sweet baby!

mEye Walk 2010/Dry Bones

A few weeks ago Josh and the youth group did a service project based like the mission trip last summer where they drove around and just looked for opportunities to serve. They heard about this man who was walking 1000 miles in 1000 hours - a mile at the top of every hour- to raise awareness for blindness. Lee Shayler began going blind when he was 22. He had heard a story on BBC about a man in England (where he is from) who enjoyed walking and when he went blind he decided it wouldn't keep him from walking. After being inspire by several other stories, Lee came up with a plan for this journey he recently finished. He and his wife lived in their camper in the parking lots of several parks in Highlands Ranch for the 42 days that it took to complete the 1000 miles.

Anyway, Josh and the group found out about this and decided to walk a mile with Lee. While they were walking they were able to hear a little about his story. On the second day of walking Lee injured his achilles tendon pretty badly. His wife went to Sketchers and asked what type of shoes to buy so that Lee could continue. Sketchers donated I think around 50 pairs of the shoes with the rounded soles so that Lee could keep his foot in a position to not hurt his achilles further.

He had a tread mill inside the camper that he would walk on during the night and several miles during the day. By the end of the 1000 miles (Lee finished on June 5th) he had muscle tears and spasms in his calves, tendon problems,  back problems etc. He was going straight into the hospital the next day.

It was really neat for the kids because as they left the church buiding that morning they prayed for God to open their eyes to see people who needed Him and who they could serve. They irony of that prayer was not lost on them during their day. The rest of their day was spent in downtown Denver walking around looking at the areas where the homeless population lives. Dry Bones is a ministry here that our youth group gives their own money to support each month. Most of them had never actually gone downtown to see what they were supporting though. As they walked around they saw places where bars and jagged rocks were put up for apparently no other reason than to keep homeless from sleeping there, they saw places that were considered safe for these kids to go and get help.

All in all it was a pretty powerful day. Below are some links to Dry Bones and to stories about Lee's
mEye Walk. Check them out!


http://www.meyewalk.com
http://www.coloradocommunitynewspapers.com/articles/2010/05/01/lone_tree_voice/news/22_cm_blind_ltv.txt
www.drybonesdenver.org

"I'm Concussed"

I should probably fill everyone in on our weekend. I debate if I would post this or not. I know that it's good to keep friends and family informed in your life so they can pray with and for you, support, help etc. But at the same time, it's also a little embarrassing or makes me self conscious so I hesitate to tell people when challenges are going on. Well, anyway....Friday night while Josh was at the grocery store I was home with Addie after day of running errands, playing in fountains etc. I was getting her ready for bed and was carrying her down the stairs to answer Josh's phone call when I tripped and fell. I don't really remember much of what happened other than feeling like I was about to fall backwards and then like I couldn't breath ( I hit my back). I knocked myself out and either slid or rolled down the stairs. I woke up at the bottom after what I guess was a few minutes and saw that Addison was ok - she was laying on my arm and then I guess I was out again.

Josh came home a few minutes later and we were lying on the floor at the bottom of the stairs. He later told me that I was lying on my back with my legs still partly up on the stairs. Addie was apparently lying on my arm asleep. I'm sure she probably cried when we were falling or when I was out but afterward she just snuggled up to me and went to sleep. At first Josh thought she was hurt too but when he picked her up she started laughing and playing. He put her in her high chair after checking to make sure she wasn't hurt and then  woke me up. I was pretty freaked out when he woke me up and Addie was gone but he assured me she was fine. My back hurt really badly so I didn't want to move but after a few minutes I was able to sit up. Josh called Connie (the friend that watches Addison during the day) and she came over to put her to bed while Josh took me to the ER.

They did a CT scan and X-rays. Everything looked fine and they sent me home. I go to my regular doctor for a follow up this afternoon. So, I just have a concussion with loss of consciousness and a pretty sore and bruised body.

God was so in control because however I held Addison, my instincts kicked in and she is 100% ok. She was snuggled up to me asleep and then didn't cry at all and was watching Josh like a hawk to make sure that he was taking care of me.I could have been hurt a lot worse and this could have ended very differently. I'm not even sure what made me fall. I wasn't rushing and there wasn't anything on the stairs. Saturday and Sunday were pretty rough and I felt really bad. Yesterday I pushed myself to do more stuff knowing I had to go back to work and my normal routine today. I'm sore and still have a bad headache today but so far so good. I have been thanking God over and over again for watching out for us, for letting Josh come home quickly to find us, and for helping me to protect Addison. I have only walked on the stairs a few times with her since then and Josh has been behind us. I'm pretty nervous now but I know that we will be ok.

So, that's really about it. There are so fun pictures of things that have been going on but as usual, those will come later. Please pray that my body continues to heal with no complications and that my nerves calm down as well. Most of all, praise the Lord for his protection and mercy.