Mother's Day and a Special Prayer

My sweet baby and I in our rocking chair on my first Mother's Day!
We went to Cheesecake Factory after church and it was worth the wait. I love that place and we had a great lunch and a delicious dessert to take home for later. The  weekend was pretty relaxed overall - Josh's mom (Gigi) was here so that was an extra treat as well. It was cool to be able to spend my first Mother's Day with my husband's mom. They are really close and she (I think) is a big part of the reason he is the wonderful man that he is.

So, I have you the basics about what we did on Sunday here's what was actually going through my head over the weekend....

I was feeling incredibly blessed to be a mom and to have Addison. Josh and I have gone through a lot to get to this place and it was really special. I know that Mother's Day is about thanking and honoring moms but I'm not sure I deserved much honoring this year. In some respects I feel like I've done a lot, but I know that in the grand scheme of motherhood I've done almost nothing. I was also feeling a little overwhelmed because this new mommy stuff is hard and generally pretty thankless. But really, it's not about thanks - it's about how much I love her and how I want the best for her, a commitment to raising my child to know Christ, and the reward of seeing her grow and learn. I am still learning what it means to be a mother and a mommy. I love that I have a precious brown haired, hazel eyed, sweet and playful baby that I get to learn with.

The other interesting thing about the day happened later. I was going on a walk and was praying on my walk. I was praying and thanking God for my mom and the tremendous ways our relationship has grown, my sister and some of the things that I want for her - including a better relationship with mom, Addie and all the excitement I have for our future etc. Then, I started to pray for my birth-mom. I stopped because I was kind of shocked that I even started going there - it wasn't bad, I just honestly don't remember ever praying for her before.
I kept walking and ever so carefully began to pray again. I felt like I was stepping out onto a surface that I wasn't sure would hold me. But, once I started talking I couldn't stop. I prayed for her to know God  in an intimate, loving and powerful way. I prayed for her health.  I prayed for her family - I don't know anything about her now :where she is, if she's married, has kids etc but I prayed for her family. I prayed that she would have peace with the decision she made 28 1/2 years ago and know that I have a family that loves me. I am not sure if God lead me there because I'm a mom now and I can have a small inkling of what it must have been like to make the decision to give up my baby or if it was just time but I am glad that He did. I don't think I have ever really been resentful or mad at my birth-mom. I have just been complacent. I was a lot more curious when I was younger but  we asked for more medical history when I was in high school and were turned down I lost interest. I have thought off and on about trying to find her in the past several years but never had enough desire to follow through. I'm not sure if this is leading anywhere but it definitely softened my heart in ways I didn't know it needed to be. I'm cautiously excited to see where God is taking me now.

All in all in was an interesting, fun and memorable first Mother's Day!