R- Rest

I am thankful for rest! I have posted before about the exhaustion I've been dealing with lately. (I'm still working with my doctor to come up with something). This ordeal, along with the lack of sleep a baby brings and normal wear and tear from work/life has made me even more mindful of how vital rest is.

I am thankful for the renewal of actual sleep, I frequently long for an entire day of sleep! But, I am also thankful for the rest that things like my yoga class, a massage, going on a walk, reading and just watching tv can bring. I know that I am guilty of taking these times for granted and not utilizing them the best I can. I hope that I can learn to use the times of sleep and rest that I do have better.

I am thankful for spiritual rest. There are many verses in scripture that mention the rest we can have in God. But, I'm not sure that this means I won't be tired, I think it means more along the lines of the rest and peace that he can bring to our souls. I think it means that we don't have to worry when we go to sleep at night or constantly try to figure out the best solution, second guess things and stress about every decision. I long to fully experience God's spiritual rest. It's hard to be able to let go and release things to claim this rest. But what a powerful thing to be able to take hold of God's rest that He promises. One of my favorite prayers that I actually first heard from a dear friend, Mark Lewis, is "give us more rest than sleep".  I need to pray more for God to give me rest.

“My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken” (Psalm 62

I am thankful for rest. I would be thankful for more sleep or more massage appointments, but I am even more thankful for the rest that can only come from Christ.

Mother's Day and a Special Prayer

My sweet baby and I in our rocking chair on my first Mother's Day!
We went to Cheesecake Factory after church and it was worth the wait. I love that place and we had a great lunch and a delicious dessert to take home for later. The  weekend was pretty relaxed overall - Josh's mom (Gigi) was here so that was an extra treat as well. It was cool to be able to spend my first Mother's Day with my husband's mom. They are really close and she (I think) is a big part of the reason he is the wonderful man that he is.

So, I have you the basics about what we did on Sunday here's what was actually going through my head over the weekend....

I was feeling incredibly blessed to be a mom and to have Addison. Josh and I have gone through a lot to get to this place and it was really special. I know that Mother's Day is about thanking and honoring moms but I'm not sure I deserved much honoring this year. In some respects I feel like I've done a lot, but I know that in the grand scheme of motherhood I've done almost nothing. I was also feeling a little overwhelmed because this new mommy stuff is hard and generally pretty thankless. But really, it's not about thanks - it's about how much I love her and how I want the best for her, a commitment to raising my child to know Christ, and the reward of seeing her grow and learn. I am still learning what it means to be a mother and a mommy. I love that I have a precious brown haired, hazel eyed, sweet and playful baby that I get to learn with.

The other interesting thing about the day happened later. I was going on a walk and was praying on my walk. I was praying and thanking God for my mom and the tremendous ways our relationship has grown, my sister and some of the things that I want for her - including a better relationship with mom, Addie and all the excitement I have for our future etc. Then, I started to pray for my birth-mom. I stopped because I was kind of shocked that I even started going there - it wasn't bad, I just honestly don't remember ever praying for her before.
I kept walking and ever so carefully began to pray again. I felt like I was stepping out onto a surface that I wasn't sure would hold me. But, once I started talking I couldn't stop. I prayed for her to know God  in an intimate, loving and powerful way. I prayed for her health.  I prayed for her family - I don't know anything about her now :where she is, if she's married, has kids etc but I prayed for her family. I prayed that she would have peace with the decision she made 28 1/2 years ago and know that I have a family that loves me. I am not sure if God lead me there because I'm a mom now and I can have a small inkling of what it must have been like to make the decision to give up my baby or if it was just time but I am glad that He did. I don't think I have ever really been resentful or mad at my birth-mom. I have just been complacent. I was a lot more curious when I was younger but  we asked for more medical history when I was in high school and were turned down I lost interest. I have thought off and on about trying to find her in the past several years but never had enough desire to follow through. I'm not sure if this is leading anywhere but it definitely softened my heart in ways I didn't know it needed to be. I'm cautiously excited to see where God is taking me now.

All in all in was an interesting, fun and memorable first Mother's Day!

Pictures

I would like to write a long, witty, informative update but the bottom line is that my body is so exhausted that I think I'm close to hallucinating or uncontrollable shaking so for now pictures will have to do. Of course, all of the pictures are of Addison since that's all that you all really read this to see or hear about anyway. Really, Josh and I have at least sort of interesting lives but nothing that can't wait. One interesting fact: it snowed yesterday. Yes, yesterday on May 12th. Today it was melted but it still snowed yesterday. Colorado occasionally drives me crazy.