Unsafe!

The theme of Winter Peak this year was Unsafe. My dear friend Casey McCollum was the speaker and he did a great job bring this message to the teens. It was a theme that I was very personally excited about and something that I have always been passionate about.

The basic idea was that God does not call us to be safe or comfortable. In fact, it's the opposite. Casey talked about that every bible should come with a warning label that says "Can be dangerous if followed". He used Purell hand sanitizer as a great object lesson and visual by squirting it in a bible and saying that too often we sanitize the Word to make it safe or more comfortable to follow. Instead of  "love your enemies" we may sanitize it to "don't hate your enemies"; instead of  "flee from immorality" we sanitize it to be more like "stay away from the really bad stuff". If we truly follow the bible we WILL experience loss. We may not be persecuted or lose our lives for our faith like some of the characters we looked at over the weekend, BUT, we may lose our reputation or our friends. God's calling is one that is drastically different from the world.

Another topic that seemed to really resonate with the teens and adults was that we need to be Kingdom-Followers not just Church-Goers. (Hopefully I will be quoting Casey Pate correctly here) Church -Goers worry about the world changing the church. Kingdom-Followers go out to change the world. We need to stop staying in our safe, comfortable buildings and be out in our communities and our world loving people for Christ.

I was convicted of a few things - first that too often I am not the kind of light that I should be in my office. The second is that I know God has given me a passion and love for things unsafe (unsafe things of faith and unsafe things like rock climbing). I frequently get ideas that I really believe are from the Spirit of how to share the word etc but I'm not always great at following through. I want to be consistent. I want to actually do the things that I feel God pricking my heart to do. I have a few things that I am currently praying about that wrestling with. Hopefully I will be able to share them soon!

It was a great weekend overall. Tonight in the youth group class we will be talking about the ideas we came up with of what the University Church of Christ youth group needs to do and deciding on some things that the group can actually DO instead of just talk about. Pray that our teens and all of the teens and adults who went to Winter Peak will not forget what they heard but will continue to grow in courage and faith as they live a life that is Unsafe for Christ.

2 Years

I was on the Winter Peak (Colorado Area-wide retreat) with Josh this weekend. It was a great weekend and I will try to write more about that later.

This is the retreat the 2 years ago (yesterday actually) Josh and my friend Melanie had to leave because I was in the hospital after about to have emergency surgery after finding out we lost another baby - this time due to an ectopic pregnancy. The past two years have been full of peaks and valleys - some of those valleys being in very dark places. But, this year I was at the retreat with a sweet, beautiful baby girl. Wow! God truly is faithful. During the weekend I had several things running though my head - a song and then a psalm.

"Well, everyone needs compassion

A love that's never failing, let mercy fall on me

Well, everyone needs forgiveness

The kindness of a Savior, the hope of nations

Savior, He can move the mountains

For my God is mighty to save, He is mighty to save

Forever, author of Salvation

Where He rose and conquered the grave, Jesus conquered the grave

So take me as You find me

All my fears and failures, fill my life again

I give my life to follow

Everything I believe in, and now I surrender, I surrender

Savior, He can move the mountains

My God is mighty to save, He is mighty to save

Forever, author of Salvation

He rose and conquered the grave, Jesus conquered the grave"

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"How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?

How long will you hide your face from me?

How long must I wrestle with my thoughts

and every day have sorrow in my heart?

How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.

Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;

my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"

and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

But I trust in your unfailing love;

my heart rejoices in your salvation.

I will sing to the LORD,

for he has been good to me." Psalm 13

Trusting God

While I was driving last week I saw a church sign that said "When all else fails, Trust God." I think that is dumb. It shouldn't be "when all else fails" it should be first and continuously. Too often we go to prayer and faith as the last resort when things are hard. Just like your best friend, or spouse or parent doesn't want to be the last person you go to for help and support, God doesn't want that either. I think he is yearning for us to go to him first in all things - big or small. I don't want trust and prayer to be my "when all else fails" solution.

Just a thought.

Proud to be a Longhorn

Thursday night was bittersweet. The Texas Longhorns lost the National Championship to Alabama 37-21. The loss was frustrating for all Longhorn fans. It was even more so because Colt McCoy was injured in the first few minutes of the game. The last report I read said that he had a sprained shoulder and possibly a pinched nerve and that it was Coach Brown's choice not to put him back in the game. So,a true freshman QB went in to play and did better than I expected.

As hard as it must have been for Colt not to play in the National Championship and the last game of his record-setting college career - this is where the sweet part comes in. HE STILL GAVE GLORY TO GOD! In an emotional interview Colt said that he was still "standing on the rock". My first reactions was that this is an incredible witness to his teammates, the Alabama team, coaches, friends and anyone watching. It's easy to praise God when you win the game or win the award or get what you want. It's much harder to praise Him in the storm but that's what Colt did. I'm not saying he is perfect. But I was proud to be a longhorn fan and proud to be a christian.

I saw several facebook status' about this. One that was my favorite said "it's ok. He is second." If you haven't seen the video on yotube with Colt and Sam Bradford you shoud watch it! I don't know if any of Colt and Jordan Shipley's teammates have come to know Christ through them. But, my prayer that night was the God heals their emotional and physical wounds, that He grows the seeds they have planted with their outspoken love for Christ. I saw another facebook status from a family at Westover Hills (where I grew up and where Colt and Jordan attend church) that said "...God has great things in store for him and I am not talking about football." I have heard that the Longhorns motto for this season is Jeremiah 17:7 "Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him". I pray that God will continue to use these Godly men to spread His word and glorify His name. I am proud to be a Longhorn.

H - Helping People (Blind Side)

I had a hard time coming up with something for H. Then I watched The Blind Side this weekend. One of my first reactions to the movie was that it was hard for me to see. I hear stories like that (and a lot worse) at work every day but at work I try hard to not get emotionally attached. Watching the movie I was able to "feel" it and be emotional.

I want to be like Leigh Ann Tuohy. I want to be the kind of person that would take a stranger in and help them, not to get anything out of it, but because it's the right thing to do and it's what God asked us to do. I love the feeling I get when I am able to help a child in foster care succeed. I am passionate about the work that I do. It isn't just a pay check but it's something I love.

I strongly believe that God did not call us to be comfortable or safe. He called us to do His work and frequently His work is neither of those two things. I want to be a woman who will step out of her comfort zone and love on people that the world ignores.

I am thankful that God has given me the desire to help others. I pray that I am able to instill that in my children as well.

On a side note, my agency I work for has a chance to bring in Michaell Oher. I hope that we are able to - it would be amazing!

Kadesh

The theme this year was Revolution. It was a new theme and admittedly hard to deal with for those of us who have been campers, counselors or group leaders. The biggest change was that the rhythm and the schedule of the week was entirely different. Typically the climax of the week is on Thursday night with some kind of big "experience". This week there was no Thursday night experience. Instead all day Wednesday was similar to a retreat and very busy. The week as a whole is always exhausting - physically, mentally and spiritually but it is also a lot of fun. I was worried about going and being pregnant since I am more easily tired than usual. For the most part I did ok and there were times that I was able to get away and rest.

Changes and frustrations aside, I enjoyed and got a lot out of this theme. It focused mainly on the church and how the church needs to change so Christians need to change. We talked about how we have gotten away from the original intention for the church - so often we say we go to church or just attend church rather than thinking that we ARE the church and should belong to the church. We also had a lot of discussions about how we should act as representatives of Christ in order to bring about the Revolution that our world so badly needs - things like be caring and Christ-like to those around us, really worship honestly, and to live a truly revolutionary life that scripture calls us to.

It was good for the teens and they were challenged more than in past years to actually go back home and make some changes rather than just learning what they should do. As a University Church of Christ youth group we came up with some great ideas that the kids are trying to implement now that we are home. Some of those are things like asking the people who live around the church if they need any help with physical things (mowing yards, painting etc) when we go around every few months to ask if we can pray for them. Another idea was to make more of an effort to make our church a "safe place" where people can come and be real and know that they will be loved and accepted where they are at - hopefully this will spill over from the youth group to the church as a whole. For our group, a lot of this theme was stuff that Josh has worked with them on before, this week of Kadesh just took it one step deeper. For a lot of other youth groups I think this idea was entirely new.

Either way, I'm excited to see how God will work in the weeks, months, years to come from this experience.

The first picture below is the University group outside of Highland on Sunday morning. The second is the group of college freshman that Josh and I lead during the week.

The voice of God

On Wednesday nights Josh is teaching the youth group a modified version of the Experiencing God curriculum. This past week the class was about hearing God speak. Not literally, as in hearing a voice from a burning bush, but more about hearing what God is trying to tell you. It was a really good discussion and I think the kids got a lot out of it. One of the main points of the lesson was that you can't hear God speak to you if you don't know Him and recognize His voice.

While I was sitting in class thinking about different times I have felt God speaking to me in my life I had random thought. I really hope that the audible voice of God sounds like James Earl Jones. Really, have you ever thought about it? He has the greatest voice ever. He even plays Mufasa who is a god-parallel in Lion King (greatest Kadesh movie ever). I could hear God sounding like James Earl Jones when he is laughing as He created the giraffe, or as we do silly things. But, hearing when Mufasa gets mad at Simba, I can definitely hear that being a stern voice of God too.

I know this is totally random but I though it was kind of a cool thought.

Breathing

I first heard about this at our Women's Retreat in October. Then, a few months later Josh was watching one of the Nooma videos to prep for a devo. I heard what Rob Bell was talking about from the other room and jumped to go watch the video.

At the women's retreat someone mentioned that they had just read a book that discussed how the name of God (Yahweh) might actually be the sound of breathing.
The Hebrew people considered the name of God to be too sacred, too holy, to be spoken out loud. Yod-Hei-Vav-Hei, the letters that make up the creator's name, can't actually be pronounced. We've added the vowels "a" and "e" and called him Yahweh or Jehovah, but nobody is actually certain that his name can even be pronounced. If you say Yod-Hei-Vav-Hei quietly to yourself it sounds like breathing.

Go ahead, try it. Whisper Yah as you breath in and Weh as you breath out. It seems to fit naturally.

When I first heard this I immediately thought of my yoga class. In yoga we focus so much on breathe and breathing. I realized that I can focus on saying Yahweh while I go through the poses. I have been doing that for several months now and it is such a powerful experience.

“…the LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.” (Genesis 2:7)

In the Bible the word for "breath" is the same word as the word for "spirit".
Okay, now think about this. We, human beings, are created in the image of God. The Bible says we are made in His likeness. When a child is born, before that baby can cry, it has to take in a breath. That means that the first thing every human being will do is speak the name of God. We die essentially when we are no longer breathing - or when we are no longer able to say the name of God.

If you stop and think about it, this powerful. Acts 17:28 says "For in Him we live, and move and have our being". All that we are, we are because of God. If we are able to worship Him and call on Him simply by breathing that tells us something. It is a tangible experience to teach us that we are always in His presence, that He is our creator and sustainer. He is the giver of life. How many of us take time to think about breathing? I encourage you to take some time over the next few days and focus on your breathing. Think about saying Yahweh, the name of God, as you breath.

The Bible According to Weezer

I love Heart Songs by Weezer. No, it isn't really about the bible or God or anything like that but Josh did teach a class based on it.
The song (lyrics below) is about a lot of the different songs that have influenced Rivers Cuomo. It starts out with songs that are older - probably ones he heard other people listen to, then songs he liked, then his own music. The class last Sunday was about Mary's song in the gospels. She talked about things she has heard about, as well as things that she has experienced.
I like that the Weezer song sounds so passionate. It is saying that he can continually come back to these songs. That is how we should be with the bible and stories of God working in people's lives. We should continually come back to those things when times are tough, when we need a reminder. The rich history of faith, people who lived out their faith etc are a part of us just like all of these songs played a part in Weezer's music.

I take no credit for this analogy - Josh came up with it all and it was a great lesson. I'm sure that I messed it up or at least did not do it justice. Really, I just love the song.

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Gordon Lightfoot sang a song
About a boat that sank in the lake
At the break of the morning
A Cat named Stevens found a faith
He could believe in
And Joan Baez,I never listened
to too much jazz but hippie songs
Could be heard in our pad
Eddie Rabbitt sang about how much
He loved a rainy night
Abba, Devo, Benatar
Were there the day John Lennon died
Mr. Springsteen said he had a hungry heart
Grover Washington was happy on the day
He topped the charts
These are the songs

Chorus:
These are my heart songs
They never feel wrong
And when I wake
For goodness sake
These are the songs
I keep singin'

Quiet Riot got me started with the bangin' on my head
Iron Maiden, Judas Priest and Slayer
Taught me how to shred
I gotta admit though, sometimes
I would listen to the radio
Debbie Gibson, tell me that you think we're all alone
Michael Jacksons in the mirror
I've gotta have faith if I wanna see clear
Never gonna give you up,Wish me love or wishing well
It takes two to make a thing go right
If the Fresh Prince starts a fight
Don't you worry for too long
'Cause you know
These are the songs

These are my heart songs
They never feel wrong
And when I wake
For goodness sake
These are the songs
I keep singing

Back in 1991 I wasn't havin' any fun
'Till my roommate said "Come on and put a brand new record on"
Had a baby on it, he was naked on it
Then I heard the chords that broke the chains I had upon me
Got together with my bros in some rehearsal studios
Then we played our first rock show
And watched the fan base start to grow
Signed the deal that gave the dough to make a record of our own
The song come on the radio
Now people go
This is the song

These are my heart songs
They never feel wrong
And when I wake
For goodness sake
These are the songs
I keep singing

Psalm 13

Psalm 13
For the director of music. A psalm of David.
1 How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?

2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

3 Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;

4 my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.

6 I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.

This Psalm has been resonating in my heart and mind recently. It seems like life gets so busy, stressful, uncertain and overwhelming that I just keep asking "how long?". Yesterday at church Josh and I were able to share with our church that we have been having a rough few weeks. For me especially, the pain and loss of the 2 miscarriages has been coming to the surface.
It is good to know that no matter what, God's ways are higher than our ways. He will be faithful. He works for the good of those who love Him. So, I will keep reading and living Psalms as they so often reflect what I am wanting to say better than I could ever say it.

Song Lyrics

This song has been running through my head lately:

"Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name"

**What beautiful words. They are so simple but so incredibly powerful. My favorite part is "my heart will CHOOSE to say". Even when we feel surrounded by darkness or when God takes things away, we choose to bless Him and praise Him. It's hard to get to the point where you want to praise God in the hard times instead of just when things are going your way, but I really believe that He will bless us even more when we are faithful and can praise in the trials.

Charles

Today as I was driving to work I was drinking a very yummy non-fat Starbucks Mocha and mourning the fact that my gift card is almost empty. When I pulled up to a corner there was a man there with a cardboard sign that said "Can't keep a job, Just trying to get by, God Bless". I try to always keep a box of granola bars or ramen noodles in my car to hand out as needed. I rolled down my window and offered this man a granola bar. Since the light was still red I asked him what his name was and if there was anything I could pray for. He replied that his name was Charles and he had a lot to pray for. He told me that he used to go to church but when he landed on the streets he didn't feel welcome anymore. He said that he really needed prayers to keep a job, be safe and for his family (wherever they were) to be safe. As the light turned green and people behind me honked I told Charles that I would be praying for him.

As Christians, I think that even in our desire to help people around us we can become cold and judgmental. If we see someone on the street we don't want to give them money because "they will just use it to get drunk or buy drugs". While that may likely be true, who are we to say that they are not worthy of our help. Money is not our only resource to help people. We can give them food, a bottle of water, a spare blanket etc.

My mom likes to tell the story of when I was little and I would see people on the street corner - I would go home, make a sack lunch and insist that my mom take me back to where ever it was so I could drop it off. I am by no means saying that I have this service thing down or that I do it perfectly, but it is something I feel strongly about.

In my attempt to memorize James I have been working on the section in chapter two that talks about faith without works is useless. James 14-17 says this "What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. "

I hope that I can truly live that out and continue to learn how to not just have faith in God, but have my actions reflect Him as well. Keep praying for my friend Charles!

New Challenge

I decided a month or so ago that I wanted to memorize the Book of James. I'm not sure why I thought of this in the first place, but I have always been good at memorization. In my 5th grade bible class at Westover we all memorized a chapter in 1 Corinthians. Josh calls me frequently to ask where certain verses and passages are because knowing those things are just natural for me.

So, back to me challenge....I have been working on memorizing James. I already have the first chapter done and am starting on the second chapter. One of the things I am beginning to notice is how throughout the day I will just recite what I know so far or think of verses that pertain to a certain situation (for example, "everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry").

I think it would be a great idea for more people to memorize scripture - "Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates …” Deut11:18-20. I know that not everyone thinks they can memorize scripture, but I think that anyone can do it in small amounts. What a blessing to be able to recall from memory the words of God! I would encourage you to try and memorize or "bind" some scripture - whether it is a single verse, a paragraph, a psalm etc. I know you will be blessed by the experience. I will keep you updated on my progress with James.

This is what I have so far:

James chpt 1“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.
The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. 1For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business.
Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.
Don't be deceived, my dear brothers. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.
Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.
If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”

Church Songs

We had a youth group devo Sunday night where the kids that went to Kadesh could share some of their experiences - there is one of these after each camp or trip for the summer. One of the things that we talked about was how some of the songs we sing don't really have a great message or we don't really listen to them. One of the songs mentioned was "Get Right Church and Let's Go Home". One of the youth deacons, Dennis, loves (or used to love) that song. He would really get into it and sing it all the time. While at Kadesh he decided that he couldn't sing that song anymore because the words don't have a great message at all - it's saying that we have to "get right" to go to heaven and that we might miss the train if we aren't careful. We then talked about words to songs that we sing and don't really mean like All to Jesus I Surrender (I know I don't surrender everything freely).

So, I started thinking about songs that I don't really like. Now, get ready, this will be controversial I'm sure....I don't like "It Is Well With My Soul". Now, this has nothing to do with the lyrics of the song - I enjoy the words and think that they are powerful. The thing I don't like is the music. We are singing about the peace God gives us that can overcome anything but we sing this horribly slow and depressing sounding tune. Another thing I don't like is when we sing that song but then people say things that completely contradict what they just sang. I probably pay more attention to this since I don't like that song, but I seem to notice that it is sung and then we talk about how to deal with trials or how bad we feel about things that are going on. I'll be the first to admit that things are not always well with my soul. I have a hard time saying that they are when I can be upset, hurt, angry and confused about things. I know that God is truly bigger than anything I will ever face, but the fact remains that I am human and no where near perfect - things are not always well.

I am sure that I will be singing that song for the rest of my life in church services. I may learn to love it and I may not. I will strive to be at peace with things that happen. But really, if we are singing about the peace that passes all understanding let's not sound so down about it - be happy, sing that song with enthusiam and joy!

My journal

I started keeping a diary when I was 7. It would talk about boys I thought were cute, why I was mad at my mom etc. I stopped for a long time but started up again in middle school. The journal then became more of a prayer book as well as things that happened. This continued into high school. I had special journals for trips to Africa and summer camps also. In college this habit evolved again. At that point it was mostly sermon notes, song lyrics, quotes and doodles as well as some diary type entires. The style stayed like that until very recently when I experienced the ectopic pregnancy.

I remember I had been home only a few days and was in bed all day long. I picked up the journal and started writting. From that point on I wrote every night. Most of the time it was a mix of thoughts, feelings and a lot of prayers. Some of those prayers were really angry and upset, some were joyful as I felt like I was starting to heal. After a month or so I went back and reread some old entries. I realized that it skipped from pleading for the health of the baby when I found out there could be a problem to several days after the surgery and hospital stay. I decided to go back and write down the whole experince and story. It was hard to do that but also really helpful at the same time.

Last night I put that journal on the shelf and started a new one. It was a suprisingly challenging experience. That book in particular is filled with a whole range of notes, prayers, joys, challenges, experiences and dreams. That is a huge part of mine and Josh's life. I love starting a new book because of all the possibilities of what will fill its pages. God has truly done some great things in our lives lately. It is such a blessing to be able to write down thoughts and prayers and know that they are being heard by such a loving God even when I'm angry and upset. He has shown us that he really is the comforter, protecter, and healer.

Power of a Praying Wife

This book is amazing!! I started reading it after a group of women at church were going to read it together for a study. I didn't fully participate in the study for several reasons - timing for one and maybe more importantly, I felt like I got more out of it on my own. I finished the book last week after starting it in August. I'm not that slow of a reader, I purposefully read only one chapter a week. Then a few other times a week I would go back and reread just the prayer in each chapter.

Let me back up. If you have not heard of this series by Stormie Omartian you need to look into them. There is Power of a Praying: Woman, Wife, Husband, Parent, Man etc.c In this book each of the 30 or so chapters deals with a different aspect of your husband's life that you can pray for. Some of the things I would have thought to pray for like his faith, work, fears, temptations, health, money, emotions etc. There were also many things that I would not have thought to pray for like his affection, talk, vision, future, mind, fatherhood, etc. Each chapter has a brief introduction to the topic, a written prayer at the end with space to fill in personal names or situations and then scriptures that go along with the topic.

The expereince of reading this book was amazing. I think that it taught me a lot about praying not only for Josh but for other people as well. Almost all of the prayers were written in a way that included and quoted scripture. I loved the way Stormie wrote "Lord you have said in your word that..." It is powerful to be able to pray words from the bible. Some of my favorite times were when I would go back and pray all of the chapters that I had read to that point. I think that when I did that it became more meaningful - instead of just a book I was reading it was a reminder that these are things I should pray for Josh regularly.

In the book Stormie talks about how prayer has changed her, her husband and friends in ways that she didn't think were possible. One of the lines in a pray that has particularly stuck with me was something like "Lord, I release my husband from changing in ways I think he should. I also know that You will change him in ways I never imagined. " That's not the right quote but it was something like that. I was really touched by stories of women who struggled with an aspect of their husbands lives whether that was a temptation, his moods, his priorites etc. They would pray about those situations continually rather than arguing over them. God was faithful and redeemed those situations even if it wasn't in their timing.

I think many times we forgot that prayer should not be our last resort but our first instinct. God loves for that communication and I believe he wants to help and to listen. The more I pray daily about all kinds of things, the more I crave it. I know that I was changed as I started committing time each day to pray - I had more patience, joy, was slower to get angry, etc. It was also interesting how several times the chapter of the week diretly related to what was happening in our lives at that time. For example, when I read the chapter that prayed for your husband's health and safety Josh was across the country at a conference. When I read the chapter that talked about emotions we were going through a really rough time with the loss of a pregnancy. God works in mysterious and wonderful ways.

If you haven't read this book, or the others in the series - look into them.

http://www.stormieomartian.com/

Story

I wrote this on facebook about a month ago but had a request to post it here too - I also added on a little.

For those of you who don't know, my husband and I had a miscarriage in September. We found out we were pregnant again towards the end of February. We weren't able to ever really celebrate though because we quickly realized that something was wrong. We went to the doctor who said that there was a possibility that the pregnancy was ectopic (not in the uterus). I was supposed to get blood work done for a few days and then go back to the doctor. I never made it to that appointment because I ended up in the ER the next day. I went in because the pain got to be pretty bad. They gave me some medicine and did a ton of tests. The doctors saw a mass in my left falopian tube and because of the severity of my pain they decided to do emergency surgery because I was at risk to have the tube rupture. The did a laproscopic procedure as well as a D&C. So I now have 4 half inch to inch long scars on my abdomen.
During this process my husband was at an area wide youth group retreat that I had been planning on going to as well. My dear friend Melanie was there also and was able to drive Josh to Denver and to the hospital. He got there right before they took me in to surgery around 1am. The surgery should have been about an hour but after about 2hours the dcotor came out and said that it was a little more complicated than they originally thought. I was in the hospital for about 2 days. During that time my sweet husband slept in a terribly uncomfortable hospital chair and then took a week off work to stay home and take care of me. Melanie slept at our apartment wile we were still in the hospital. But she really didn't sleep, instead she cleaned, bought food to put in our fridge, bought me flowers and so many other things.
I will spare you the details but it was a very long painful recovery process that included an infection as a result of the surgery. For me, I was so focused on the physical struggle that I didn't think much about the emotional pain. Josh had to watch me suffer and I know he wished there was something he could do to make it all better. Once I was healthy Josh and I are started to feel the emotional and spiritual struggles even more. We were just mad at God. I am still so confused and frustrated as to why this happened to us not just once, but twice in the same year. I want to know why this happened, I want to know what God's plan is. I really believe that God will take care of me and that He is a God of compassion, love, joy and peace. But, I am still struggling with feeling that He has a plan and that things will be ok. It seems that as Christians we praise people who don't seem to ever doubt, struggle or get mad at God when trials come. Isn't it just as impotant to give each other permission to doubt, permission to admit that we don't understand God's plan, to admit that we are human and get mad or depressed when bad things happen? I still love God and believe all the things that I alway have...but I am angry. I wish there was another way things could have happened. I am beginning to doubt if it is in His plan that Josh and I have children at all. I get easily frustrated and upset and that make me frustrated with myself. I am feeling overwhelmed and undersupported at times and that is making me doubt my relationships. I know that there is hope. I know that Josh and I can cling to God and each other and get through this. I know that God can use this and use us to minister to others and to teach us things that we would not have learned before.

So to add on to that...we have been able to see more of how God is using this situation even though it is still a struggle. We have learned even more to stick together and be a team. We have gotten great support from our family and friends. Some families at our church even helped to make it possible for us to get away for a few days by ourselves. We had a great time in Taos NM being together and just relaxing.

Now we are trying to look forward to what the next step is and where we go from here. I have more to add but need to get back to work so that will have to be another day.

Quote

When I was in high school our Huddle Leaders at church gave us this quote that they had printed and laminated. I currently have it the bulletin board by my desk at work. I think it is a great reminder of how we need to be conscious of our choices every day.
As I was looking at it today I just thought that I would share it....

Be careful of your thoughts, for your thoughts become your words.
Be careful of your words, for your words become your actions.
Be careful of your actions, for your actions become your habits.
Be careful of your habits, for your habits become your character.
Be careful of your character, for your character becomes your destiny.
- Author Unknown